Are you choosing the “highest bidder” rather than waiting for the “right bidder”?
In last week’s newsletter (you can read it again here if you missed it) I spoke about an attitude that some women, who often find themselves alone, have that I call “going for Mr. Impossible”. In a nutshell, I explained how searching for Mr. Impossible can sometimes be a defense mechanism saving you from getting hurt in a relationship by avoiding getting close to anyone or getting into a relationship at all. These women prefer to avoid relationships rather than to risk being hurt.
On the other side of the coin are women who want to avoid being alone at all costs and so constantly find themselves selling themselves short. These women prefer to be with anyone who chooses them rather than risk being alone. If you find yourself constantly jumping in and out of relationships, but rarely staying in any for long, you may be guilty of constantly going for the highest bidder rather than taking the time to wait for the right bidder to come along.
There are different reasons why we choose to jump from relationship to relationship, rather than choosing to wait for the right person to come along and I explain this further, as well as how to change it, in the video below. The issue often boils down to us undervaluing ourselves and to being afraid that the person we really want to be with is either not out there or won’t ever come along. So, rather than having faith and believing that we can meet the one we want, we accept the best one of those who want us.
While that may sound reasonable, what it leads to is the “Runaway Bride” type of relationship (named for the Julia Roberts & Richard Gere followup film to “Pretty Woman”) where we start out excited about the person we’re with and the new relationship only to soon grow disillusioned and disappointed when we realize that the person doesn’t quite live up to the expectations that we had of him. This constant accepting of the highest bidder then becomes a pattern that we follow regularly, constantly finding ourselves disappointed with the man we are with because he isn’t really what we want. Unfortunately it also means that we hurt quite a lot of men in the process and rarely end up waiting for the one we really want as we’re constantly settling for the “good enough for now” version.
So is this better than being alone? The problem with this attitude is of course that we devalue ourselves neglecting to take the necessary time to understand what we really seek and to find the relationship that is a truly good long-term fit for us.
Watch my video below, how I explain this phenomenon, and what I suggest you can do to change it. If this resonates with you, schedule a free 30 min call with me to discuss your patterns and how to break them.