Friday the 13th of November 2015 in Paris will now be a date that’s deeply etched into the memories of most of the Western world, especially of those of us in Europe. Just as September 11th, 2001 is still a date that most think about and shudder, the ruthless shootings of innocent people in Paris is another terrorist act that makes us question the anger in the world today. But these dates are in no way isolated incidences, nor, unfortunately, are terrorist acts something rare or novel. When I was thinking about writing this blog, I was really stuck on how to adequately phrase my reflections and my emotions about what happened in Paris just recently. Though terrorism is nothing new and terrorist acts of some kind date all the way back to the 1800s and before, terrorism has, frighteningly, become more prevalent and more violent in our modern times.

So what can we do? Is there any way to change the anger hidden that inevitably causes these crimes against innocent people? Though I wasn’t alive in the 1960’s, the song that came into my head immediately is the one that used one of my favourite words in the chorus: “What the world needs now is love, sweet love… It’s the only thing that we have too little of…” As a Love Coach, of course I will always revert to talking about the importance of love. It’s my job, after all. But, for me, it’s become much more than just a job; it’s become a calling. When I look at the world now, I see a much more dispersed and disillusioned world than ever. With each decade even, certain trends seem to worsen. The divorce rates go up; the marriage rates go down; more articles are written about how many people are single and lonely, but also more difficult to please; and more unhappiness and anger is seen throughout the world.

Something has to change. The growth of online dating, and dating apps, which should serve to help more people connect with other people, rather seems to lead to an increased disconnect, where the search for the superficial and the ease of always finding something better becomes that block that keeps people from attempting to go deeper into each other. A friend of mine who felt this disconnect deeply, even though he was dating many women at once, said to me: “The problem is that everything is about the next best thing. No one sticks it out anymore; no one tries to improve a relationship that’s broken. Why should we when there’s always something better around the corner?” Interestingly enough, after years of dating many women at once, he’s now back together with his ex-wife, with whom he says he always had “a very deep connection”.

I am not saying, of course, that we all should seek out that one partner with whom we ended it years ago and try and make a go of it again. Of course not! Usually things end for a reason. But perhaps maybe we should ease our trigger fingers from ending relationships too quickly too because of some small inadequacy or because we believe that something better might come along and not just with lovers and Partners, but also the relationships we have with family and friends. Perhaps we should make more of an attempt towards a deeper connection and a deeper understanding of people in our lives: be it lovers, friends, or even neighbours. Maybe we should take some time to step away from our computer screens and actually see and get to know the people who live beside us and are around us. Why not actually greet our neighbours and call those family members who we haven’t spoken to in a while?

Human relations are still about actual face to face contact, and that is not something that we should ever give up. People who feel touched and truly loved then do not have the compulsion to hurt others in such a violent and pointless way. Plus, let’s not forget about the idea of the “butterfly effect”. If we are compassionate and show love in one part of the world, that love will then echo throughout the rest of the world and maybe land where it’s most needed. If we all can open up our hearts and show compassion for others, perhaps the world would indeed be a better place.

Julia xx