Even though most of us have spent loads of time knowing how to “talk” to one another, do we really know how to “communicate”?
Do you sometimes feel like though you’re speaking with someone, the communication is pretty poor and you’re not really “getting” one another? And at other times do you feel like you just “click” with someone when you speak with one another?
During the lockdown period of Covid, we all have had to find new ways to communicate with one another. Not only were we not allowed to meet others who weren’t part of our household in person, especially not indoors, but we were even asked to socially distance in places where we could see people, such as in the supermarket or on a walk outside. Connecting with someone else became something we had to learn to do in another way.
The world suddenly became both a bigger and smaller place. Smaller because our friends who may live abroad or somewhere else far away suddenly became just as close as those who live just 15 minutes away. Both were equally as accessible by phone or zoom and we were equally unable to visit with either. Suddenly, communication needed to be reinvented.
Rafe Offer and his business partner, Harry Yeff, for this particular project, are two heroes who decided together to question how people in general communicate and to look for new means to enable this communication. To learn more about their new venture and how it changes everything for all of us and makes us begin to question how we communicate (and even IF we truly communicate), watch the video below.
Some time ago, before I became a Nutritional Therapist and a Naturopath, I was a Mind-Body Wellness Coach working to help people reframe their lives away from loneliness. Here I’m interviewed by Prash Kotecha from Urban Spirituality about what it takes to attract someone special into our lives. These days with us being so isolated, it’s more difficult than ever to bring those special people into our lives: that includes that one someone special as much as those people you want in your group of friends. These days of quarantine and isolation have made many more people unhappy and lonely. Loneliness has been linked with ill health and these days, ill health is killing way too many. In this video, I teach how important it is to reframe how you think and how you live to live a healthier and happier life and to leave the world of loneliness for good.
This Sunday is Valentine’s Day. In fact it’s the first Valentine’s Day we’re facing in lockdown without even the ability to meet people unless they’re living with us or in our designated bubble (depending on where you live). So let’s just say that it’s probably one of the most challenging Valentine’s Days that we’ll be facing in a while.
While Valentine’s Day even in a good year may be difficult for some to face, as it’s a reminder of how alone they feel, for some it’s an opportunity to celebrate a new romance or a long-term relationship. This year, however, the day may bring more awareness than usual to those who have to face the day alone. Even if you managed to surpass the odds and are dating someone new, you’re likely not allowed to meet them inside to celebrate. Depending on which country you’re living in, it’s possible that there isn’t even anywhere to celebrate the day at all. That makes an already challenging day even more challenging.
For those who have no one to celebrate with, the day may make you even more aware of how lonely you feel, especially as you may not be allowed to visit with family and friends to make yourself feel better.
One of the things I’ve come to learn as a Coach and Hypnotherapist (even before I became a Naturopath and Nutritional Therapist) is that how you see things is all about your perspective. While we could look at Valentine’s Day as ruined this year, if we focus on the fact that we can’t celebrate it properly and can’t even meet with people, we can also look at it as a different kind of Valentine’s Day.
The fact that we can’t meet with people in person opens up the opportunity of meeting up with people virtually, as in through zoom or skype or facetime chats and virtual celebrations. No it’s not the same of course, but we can delight in it nonetheless. Though this pandemic has taken a lot away from us, it has also given us something unique back. It has given us the opportunity to see the world as a smaller place, to celebrate with friends and family all over the globe and to join networks that are everywhere. Many out there are discovering that there is light within the darkness and are creating little pockets of opportunities and connections. Soon, this newsletter will bring more and more of the connections I’m making with people out there who are discovering new and different opportunities to bring people together despite the odds.
In the end, Valentine’s Day is about love and connection with those important to us. If you feel lonely, watch the video below for how you can make the most of this difficult time.
And if you want more ideas for how to connect despite the challenging circumstances, or want help with your loneliness (or your health), book a free 30 minute call with me here.
We work very hard to be successful, to grow at a job, to find love even. There are books that teach us how to be confident, to be fearless, to seize the moment, to eat better, etc. While these are all of course very important for our personal development, what I find as a Mind-Body Wellness Specialist, to be far, far more important both to humanity and to our personal health is being able to truly connect with others.
Feeling lonely and alienated and divided from the world is the cause of many people’s true I’ll health issues. After all, it is widely known that disease can manifest or be cured in the mind. The feeling of having no one to reach out to, of being unable to connect makes us feel unhappy, unloved, uncared for and as if we having nothing to live for. Some of my clients manifested this by being overweight because of comfort eating, others struggled with long-term chronic issues because that was something tangible that brought them the comfort of at least medical professionals taking a momentary interest in them. You can be all alone and yet well connected with yourself and others, therefore not feeling lonely. The lack of connection is when you still feel somewhat lonely even amongst your friends, even with your partner or even when there should be no reason for this feeling; yet you feel it anyway.
Recently, I offered to watch a small dog for a friend of mine who went away. My kids have been asking me for a dog for a long time and I thought that watching him would be a great test to see if they could truly be responsible to take care of a pet. What I discovered, however, surprised even me. Not only were my kids exceptionally mature and great at caring for the dog, but even the little negatives of having to care for this pet didn’t detract from the amazing positives that came with having him. He was constantly full of love and excitement at seeing us every time we came home and he brought us even closer together as we bonded over walking him and had to find fun and active days out that he too would enjoy. Plus, the best part was how easily he made it for us to meet strangers everywhere we went. As an adorable dog that strangers everywhere seemed to want to befriend, we finally met our new neighbours and the other people around us who too have dogs. Plus we befriended people in cafes, on the tube, just walking down a toad, etc.
My point here is that if you are lonely, whether because you’re actually alone or in a relationship where you find yourself unable to connect, it may just take a simple twist in your usual pattern that makes a difference and changes everything. Whether it’s getting a dog (there are loads of rescue dogs that need homes by the way, or you can foster one temporarily and all dog food and care is paid for) or starting a new mediation class or just joining any kind of club or even taking a language or dance class: there are so many ways to change your usual pattern in life and to get yourself unstuck.
If you want help or some ideas, you can book a free call with mehere .
I would like to kick off my new Wellness Series not so far from the topics I have been mostly known for: love and relationships. When I speak of being a Wellness Specialist, many assume that I focus on tackling issues such as insomnia, stress, and weight loss. While those are core issues that I help people with — along with helping them towards that feel-good vitality that has alluded them for a while, a core part of my work is very much centered around the core work I was doing when I was calling myself a Love Coach: helping them to achieve the loving relationships they crave.
Our private lives are, after all, the driving forces of quality in our life. There has been sufficient research to showcase how the lack of relationships (ie: loneliness) can be incredibly detrimental to health. But what about the feeling of losing yourself to your partner? We all know that when we are in love, and receive love back, the world is indeed a better place. We feel more energized and bloom in all aspects of our lives. Equal in power, however, is the feeling of being in a toxic relationship: something I have seen over and over again from my clients. As exciting as a relationship that feels full of balance and growth can feel; so equally devastating (albeit eating away at us slowly) can a relationship where we lose ourselves and what we desire feel. Therefore I would like to offer you a quick video on one of the most toxic aspects of a relationship: too much compromise. If you feel any of the scenarios described resonate with you, it may be time to change few things…
You can find more on this topic in my book: “Attract Authentic Love”, which you can purchase on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2HsrqvQ.
If you feel that you would like want a lengthier discussion one on one, and are not sure if your relationship is doomed and you are ready to make radical changes, you can schedule a one hour skype session with me to discuss specific issues or book a free 30 minute discovery call here: https://WellnessSession.as.me/.
Do you remember once upon a time when your mother was there to look after you and keep you safe? Do you remember when she taught you some important advice that was meant to protect you? Well, as a mother myself, I know that she meant well, but perhaps it isn’t doing you any favors in your social life. So perhaps it’s time to let that advice go and do something different. Have a watch at what I mean here.
If you feel uneasy about talking to strangers you can book a free discovery call
“Nothing is stranger or more ticklish than a relationship between people who know each other only by sight, who meet and observe each other daily – no hourly – and are nevertheless compelled to keep up the pose of an indifferent stranger, neither greeting nor addressing each other, whether out of etiquette or their own whim.” – Thomas Mann
As a former Love Coach, and even now as a Mind-Body Wellness Specialist, when I start talking about Valentine’s Day, I have many people balking about it and complaining about a forced day to celebrate couples. Some even go as far as calling it “cheesy” or “a waste of time”. While I respectfully disagree of course, I do understand how some can judge the day so harshly, particularly if they are feeling lack in that area, either because they are alone or are unhappy in the relationship they’re in.
The thing about Valentine’s Day that makes it important, however, isn’t that it is a day just to celebrate couples. The day, in fact, is to celebrate Love overall, whether romantic or not. Whether we like it or not, having some form of Love in our lives is actually necessary for good health. There are constant articles and research coming out telling us that loneliness is detrimental for health. In fact, you can find quite a few such articles and videos on both my website and my YouTube channel. In Naturopathy, we learn that full healthy balance relies on health in three main areas: our mind, our heart and our gut. So full health can only exist if all three are looked after (I would add with exercise and looking after our bodies as well).
So having a day to celebrate Love and to remind us about the importance of having some kind of Love in our lives seems pretty key. But celebrating Love isn’t just for couples. We should celebrate the Love we feel for our friends, our family, our community and even a higher power. Why not use Valentine’s Day to reconnect with people we haven’t spoken to in a while and to celebrate our feelings of happiness for knowing them. When I was in high school many years back, before my close friends and I started dating, we would send Valentine’s Day chocolates and cards to each other on Valentine’s Day and write each other lovely cards to remind each other how much our friendship meant. When you’re a teenager and going through that time of feeling misunderstood and unloved as hormones are rampant, sometimes such a card from a close friend is enough to change the entire outlook of your day into a happy one.
So this Valentine’s Day, instead of hiding or rolling your eyes at the fact that you have to get through an entire day of smoochy couples and people asking you if you are doing something tonight, why not instead celebrate the fact that Love exists and that it is still our greatest weapon against hate and crimes of hate as well as against loneliness. And meanwhile, if you are one part of a couple, why not celebrate that as well and the fact that you’re still together against all odds, and remember what it was that brought you two together in the first place. Remember how beautiful your love once was and it can be again. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Some time ago, I had a friend of mine reach out to me and ask me if her sister could meet with me as she was struggling in her relationship. I agreed of course and we proceeded to meet the three of us over dinner.
Her sister’s struggle as it happened was that she was in a relationship for over a year with a man she really loved and who she wanted very much to marry. She wanted to know what she could do to get him to propose to her (without actually having to propose herself). Up to then, she said, they hadn’t had any discussions about marriage and she was frustrated that her boyfriend hadn’t brought the matter up in all that time and that their relationship seemed to be floating by rather than moving forward towards a secured future.
Fast forward to today and a beautiful destination wedding some months back and a happy married couple later, and what we have is a wonderful success story. How long did it take to happen? Only two hours over dinner!
So why am I sharing this story? Well mainly because this isn’t the only client who has seen results in such a quick succession of time. Though the majority of my plans with clients are 3-6 months, I have had clients who’ve had incredible turnarounds from as little as a two hour session. I’ve also had quite a few clients who flew in from abroad to work with me everyday over the course of a week and who flew home to an incredible change in themselves, their self-perception and their self-belief and self-confidence. Finally, after feeling stuck in their lives for years, they could see light at the end of what once seemed a very long and dark tunnel. These clients went on to meet wonderful significant others and to become people who do wonderful things.
Could that be you next? Sometimes all it takes is two hours with an expert to change your fate and the course of your life; sometimes it takes more. How long will it take you? For your chance to understand how to change an area you’re stuck in, book a free 30 minute discovery call with Julia Keller here.
Learn how to love yourself and first and find love through this 6 module, online program
The Guardian recently published an article under a great title, which you can see below. I’m glad to see that the narrative of loneliness is changing in our country. As someone who myself has experienced loneliness, and who has clients who come to see me because of it, I know how life and health deterring that sensation could be. Sometimes, when it’s really bad and you feel really alone, the sensation could be keeping you stuck and almost unable to do anything productive because of its’ weight on you. Ironically, what would heal your loneliness may be the last thing that you’d want to do at that moment: that of getting out there and going somewhere where you can meet people and change the course of that loneliness for good.
I was so surprised to read in the article that the word “loneliness” is a relatively recent addition to the English language. It seems to echo my personal belief that the changing aspects of society, which in so many ways are wonderful, they are also what makes loneliness so prevalent today (and much more so than a century ago for instance). Unfortunately, the growth of technology and our incredibly wonderful independence has led to an increase of loneliness. The fact that so many live longer lives too has meant a growth of loneliness in the elderly. Much of society these days has lost the value of keeping elderly with the family and caring for them until their last days, so we find that our chances of being lonely go up as we age.
No matter what your age, however, there are several things you can do to tackle loneliness. Here are a few ideas.
First of all, tackling loneliness requires proactively seeking the company of others. Loneliness can become a vicious circle whereby you don’t have significant others in your life so you feel lonely. That makes you feel bad and makes you want to hide yourself away and maybe fill your emptiness with escapism, such as TV or books or video games or even just sitting there doing nothing just feeling bad about your fate of being alone. You feel bad hence you avoid the company of others, but this then makes you feel more lonely and thereby worse. You feel that you are stuck in a vicious circle that you find it nearly impossible to get out of. Hence my first advice is to realize that getting out of loneliness will take some work (sometimes it may feel like a lot of work) and it will require you to leave what’s comfortable (staying hidden) behind and force yourself to do things and go to places where you can meet people.
Secondly, remember that you are not the only one feeling lonely and feeling stuck. When you start to put yourself out there, it will initially challenge you in every way. You may come to events and workshops that interest you but where everyone else may seem to know each other already and you will initially feel even worse for being there. Initially. The trick is to get past that initial reaction of wanting to run out of there and to have a look around and find who else seems to be feeling as awkward and misplaced as you (I promise there are always others). This is your best chance to make an ally (and possibly a new best friend or significant someone). You know how paralyzing that feeling of loneliness could be so you also know that this person who is feeling just like you is probably struggling to make a move to meet someone as much as you are. Take the initiative and just say “hello” (I teach one off workshops on how to do this). Trust me, you’ll be happy you did. And if their reaction isn’t as friendly and warm as you would have wanted, take it as good practice and look for someone else to speak with, maybe even a group that is looking rather uncomfortable or in need of someone new. Be interested in others and be warm and open and you will eventually find yourself surrounded by people who want to get to know you.
And thirdly, you should realize that you can ask for help to deal with loneliness. The feeling can reach serious existential questions and might cause emotional outbursts which are not yours, but your body’s way of saying ‘hey wake up, and do something in order to make your temple feel better, cleaner and more light’. If you feel you cannot manage your loneliness and nothing really elevates your mood, seek out some help. Try to be open to whoever you speak with and really listen and act on any advice offered. I would say that a majority of my clients these days come to work with me because that feeling of loneliness has grown too much to cope on their own. Being able to be genuinely honest with me and having me help them see that there is a way out just with a bit of action and changes in their life immediately releases that tension and helps them feel better and breathe more easily. It’s no surprise that my most popular talks these days are the ones I do about loneliness.To schedule a free 30 minute call with me about how you too can deal with loneliness, click here.
Do you find yourself feeling lonely, whether because you’re on your own or in a relationship that leaves you feeling just as alone as if you were on your own.
Loneliness is a feeling that unfortunately does not necessarily mean singleness… One might be in a relationship but still feel lonely. In my line of work, I meet many people lost in a state of loneliness. In fact, loneliness is such an issue these days that a Minister for Loneliness was appointed some time back to deal with the Loneliness Epidemic. Loneliness kills more people than any other disease and is considered a real threat to healthy living. A talk I did on How to Conquer Loneliness was the most attended of any I’d done since beginning to help people to find and keep love.
Here is a video I did some time ago on the topic of loneliness.
My theory about loneliness is that because loneliness does not directly stem from lack of people surrounding you (although sometimes that is the sole issue), it is a fault in one’s interaction with oneself and the world, with oneself the people one has around them, as well as one’s interaction with oneself.
Loneliness can express itself as a feeling of being misunderstood, of having a hard time finding like minded friends, of a feeling of being dismissed or unimportant in the lives of others, of not having anyone to turn to with issues, etc. The issue is that the way you look at the world, that’s how the world looks back at you. So if you feel that no one out there could understand you, that’s what you’re likely to come across. Hence changing your outlook could in the end completely change your reality. Being friends with someone does not only mean being friendly; it means making an effort to express your own feelings because you care enough to share with them and listening to the feelings they share in return.
Watch my video here, get a few practical tips on how to combat loneliness, and if you have any questions schedule a call at the link below.
According to some philosophers and psychologists, human life is often lived dictated by fears. One of the most fundamental fears (other than death) is loneliness. I definitely fall into the category of those who believe that happiness in life is found through our relationships with others. This relationship, however, is not just between you and a partner. A relationship exists on all levels of the universe: including friendship, family, community and even spirituality. Therefore, while I believe that Love is absolutely crucial for happiness, I am ready to argue that many relationships are formed not because of love, but because of fear of loneliness.
While that might be fine initially, what happens when the relationship is really not the fit you sought and that dreaded loneliness never really subsided but just becomes a different kind of loneliness: one where you feel stuck in a relationship that leaves you empty?
Below I’m sharing a video with you where I bring cases where my clients suffered from relationships.
It takes courage to admit that we fear loneliness, but the ones who do admit, end up rewarded by the best of relationships… It’s like the Tao old saying that goes something along these lines: If you are chasing the butterfly, it will always run away from you. As long you stop and hold your hand still, it might land on your hand gracefully…
Ever since humanity created written history, there have been many stories of women who in the name of unconditional love sacrifice their families, careers, countries, kingdoms and even themselves. In modern times, we may question what it actually is that makes women give up so much for love? Though there exist stories of men who do the same as well of course, this tendency seems to be more common with women.
Ancient Medea, for example, gave up her nation’s cultural and spiritual heritage to a man she fell in love with. And if that wasn’t enough, she committed treason, killed her brother in order to protect hew beau and deceived her father. In more modern times, the famous opera singer,
Maria Callas, threw away her long career to be with the man she madly loved. She, just like Medea, gave up her success, reputation and talent to a man.
These are only two examples from the so many out there. Though times have changed dramatically for women, allowing us unprecedented independence and freedom, I still encounter such women, whose love stories are similar in their sacrifice, with the key difference being simply in the fact of them being unpublicised and uncelebrated.
The fact is that women tend to sacrifice their careers, their hobbies and free time more often for husbands and their families than men. Women tend to move much more often, to follow their husband’s career, than men do following their wives and their career. There is something authentic and loving about this type of self-sacrifice from which we can learn in the journey of accepting who we are. The very first step in any coaching is accepting who you are, and only then understanding what you want. Without knowing what are your impulses and desires, you will never be able to tell genuinely what it is that you want to be and where it is that you want to get to.
I don’t mean of course that we should demean ourselves for the men in our lives. The truth of the matter is that most of the famous stories I just told you about ended badly for the women. Medea, for instance, was left by her husband (the one she sacrificed everything for) so he could marry another more suited wife for him in order to better his kingship. Maria Callas, was in a relationship with the man she loved only for a little while before the famous Aristotle Onassis left her for Jackie Kennedy. She never managed to return to her singing heights, however, after the break up and died alone: her sacrifice leaving her living an isolated life and without children. Yet, when she was asked why she did not protect her voice and sacrificed so much for him, she replied “I have been trying to fulfil my life as a woman.”
Women who sacrifice everything end up hurting the most seems to be the obvious lesson from these stories. But is it? Can we as women be so brave and say out loud, with full responsibility and pride that what we actually crave the most in life is to love and not to be alone? What we really want, more than anything, is to be cared for and loved by our partners. Socrates claimed that in the realm of physical love humans work as only halves only eternally looking for the person to fill them up.
It seems clear that radical actions of sacrifice for love such as those made my Medea or Maria Callas are damaging. But why not for a change consider our womanhood as Maria Callas expresses and accept that maybe we can sacrifice a bit for love and in equal measure keep ourself strong. If we accept from the beginning that love is really what we all need we might allow ourselves to live a more well rounded life without the need to sacrifice everything.
You know when you work really really hard, put your whole heart to it, and then one day you see the reaping fruits of your hard work and they taste soooo good! Well I can’t help but boast about the most wonderful news I just received…
The other day I sent a former client of mine a happy birthday wish. This was a client who I’d always really liked and who had spent the two months we intensively worked together working really hard on finding love. I’d been really proud of her progress and how far she’d come, but she’d had a personal family issue that had come up and so had asked to take a break due to personal family circumstances. Work with my other clients and part-time studies (then hypnotherapy) kept me busy and before I knew it several years had gone by. I was wondering what had happened to her because I couldn’t believe for a moment that she had just given up – it was much unlike her… Yet, what I found out the other day with my happy birthday wish has exceeded my expectations. Apparently, during the coaching period, she had met someone… and they’d just returned some weeks back from their honeymoon!
What intrigued me the most was her words about how they met, “it was really quick, as we both just knew”. This is a pattern I see often with my clients who really work towards this goal of finding love. What this demonstrates, first of all, is that the person is really ready and ripe to receive love. It worked precisely as written in my Attract Authentic Love Program (found on www.JuliaKeller.co.uk). It works so quickly because once you are trully ready to receive love, love will meet you half way.
Sometimes you may not know what it is that you really need at the moment… or you may send it mixed messages. That’s why all of this is covered in the first part of my coaching: Working on becoming the best version of you and truly valuing yourself (so that you teach others to also value you). Then follows the second part: Visualizing in your ideal love so that the universe knows exactly who to send you. Much of what I share with readers may sound like theory, but there is hidden logic and structure behind coaching packages because it is all about structuring your mindset in a healthy manner.
I have to say, that this particular client of mine, was especially dedicated, read my book and did all the work I gave her which again showed her determination. Her preferred practice was visualisation, hence we did a lot of those (this was before I was doing hypnotherapy even). I used to guide her to picture her future life with someone special, and in the end she really did step into that future (that’s why “it just felt right” when it happened). If we never step out of our past, we will never know what the future holds for us. Our past determines where we have come to up to now, but it is our opportunity for something better going forward too.
Everything begins when you take that first step to believe in Love again, knowing that you want to share your life with someone special. After that first step, any work that might follow, be it coaching, looking after one’s look or so on will be so much more pleasurable. This client’s story is not the first marriage that I have under my belt and it can happen to anyone who is willing to work and finally step out of their past into the future they really want.
If you want to arrange a free 30 minute call with Julia to find out how you too can move towards the happy, fulfilled future that you really want, book in here:
If you’ve just returned to dating after an absence, or if you’ve been disappointed in the past because you’ve jumped into bed too quickly, and hence the relationship you had high hopes for, seemed to fade just as quickly, then you may want to read this newsletter.
Yes we’ve covered this topic before in the past. But, to be fair, this is really one of the questions I get asked the most when people hear that I’m a Love Coach, so I’m covering this topic again.
To be frank, this is an area which has always had a sexist divide. Though women are now (obviously) not expected any longer to be virgins on their wedding night, they are still discouraged from indulging in too many sexual partners, while men don’t suffer from the same prejudice and are often even encouraged (by the “guys” and locker room talk) to be more sexually active and adventurous. The fact is that, as women, we are, as the ones being entered during a sexual connection, the ones who have to be more careful with who we allow to enter and any repercussions that may result. We are also much more likely to be judged harshly for being too “easy” by both men and women alike if we indulge too often. The amount of times that men have told me that they decided not to see a woman they went to bed with quickly again because (as they put it) “who else is she going to bed with just as quickly?” is enough to drive me wild with the injustice. After all, isn’t he jumping into bed just as quickly with her?
As a woman, I have always been very consciously aware of this double standard and the need to be careful. I also get how easy it could be, especially when lonely or just in need, to jump in too quickly, either in a phase of self destruction (convinced that nothing can harm us), in a moment of lacking self respect (when we don’t care enough to protect ourselves), in a time of pure need (when our body just craves that kind of touch), or in a moment of naive trust (when we believe he means well even if he’s just following his desires).
The fact is that as women we decide who we Open the gates to and when. In this concern, I still believe that traditional values (with a modern twist) remain the most attractive and in fact the healthiest. What I mean by this is that it is healthier and wiser to wait a bit before jumping into bed with that hot new prospect. Why not get to know him first and see what he’s really like. Is he just an attractive guy who knows how to charm the pants off of you (literally) but will disappear once he’s had his fill or his immediate needs met, or is he a good guy who actual wants to create something real with you? The only way to find out for sure is to wait before you “get jiggy with it”. I promise you that if he actually really likes you for you, and not just because you’re an instant solution to meeting his needs, he’ll be ok with waiting until you’re ready. And if he isn’t, well trust me you’re better off without him anyway as he probably was never planning on sticking around in the first place. Feel good you dodged a bullet and didn’t let a man like that inside you only to be hurt later.
Keep in mind, however, that just because you’ve resolved to wait to have sex, it doesn’t mean that the men in your life will stop trying to hurry you (nor should they). If you’re a sexually attractive woman, men you meet will always be thinking about having sex with you (enjoy it; it’s a compliment). Soon after your first or second or third date with a man, he will likely make a move towards sex, or hint that he’s interested in it; this is natural and a good sign that he is attracted to you. This is a moment when you can set your values, and should never be afraid that you will lose him by not going for it just because he’s pushing you. Only one type of man won’t wait and that’s a Player
A good guy who wants you for you, and wants something real with you, will wait to be with you. Take this opportunity and test his intentions. With a bit of self reservation and self control, not only can you present yourself as a woman who values herself but actually help him to get to know you better first, so that later when you do finally make love, it will not be just to fulfil a need or feed a hunger (leaving him just as quickly gone); but will rather be as it should always have been: to truly deepen the relationship.
Sometimes we become lost and confused during our path in a certain direction and just need help finding “The Way Forward” again. Well recently I was asked to record some advice about love for one of UK Health Radio’s top shows called “The Way Forward”. You can listen to the very first episode here as Stewart asks me poignant questions about how someone can succeed in the vast complex world of love.
These days it feels like the world is so much more connected on one level but so much more disconnected on another. In fact, though we can follow what our friends are doing (and even eating) quite easily on Facebook and Instagram, we may not have actually spoken to them in months. Meeting someone now can be done with just a phone, but is the person we’re having a virtual relationship with (and getting excited about) even real outside our imagination and expectations? This interconnected world, rather than helping us to feel happier and more connected is instead leaving us feeling more alone and lonely than ever. And the consequences can be seen on the health decline of lonely people. The problem is, have we lost the skill of true connection now?
In this talk that I delivered at the Best You Expo in February, I discuss how we can learn to truly connect again and why we should (both for our health and our general happiness). And if after listening, you want my help to get you there, you can book a free 30 minute Love and Health Tune Up call with me at the link here.
Have you ever worried whether that ideal love you want is really possible? Maybe you already have a relationship but it just isn’t exactly what you’d hoped for? Or perhaps you witness others around you seemingly happy in love but wonder if it’s possible for you as well?
But even if you’ve slightly given up and just learned to accept the status quo, you secretly long for a relationship that just feels amazing with someone who
Show up and is there for you when you need them
Is present as you share your thoughts, can hold a deep conversation, and even remembers what you said
Will wrap his or her arms around you, making you feel completely loved, nurtured, secure and confident that you are only for each other
Creates the space for you to show up as your authentic self and encourages you to go after your dreams
Believe me: you are worth all of this and and MORE; you just have to believe in LOVE again and have faith.
You deserve an amazing love story with someone who you truly admire and who adores you and wants to give you the things you don’t even know you need yet.
I am very excited to announce that I am collaborating with another Love Coach, Nicole Haley, in the US: aka The Relationship Navigator. She is launching a comprehensive online speaker series called Your Love Blueprint, starting March 5th, 2018, where you’ll hear from 21+ top international relationship experts (including yours truly) as they share their industry secrets such as:
How to trigger an emotional attraction so that you are seen as their one and only
How to identify what is blocking your success in love
How to read and understand the actions of the opposite sex and better understand their behaviors
This past week was Valentine’s Day, and just a few days after that I had the privilege of speaking at the Best You Expo. My chosen topic this year was about Loneliness and how it can be cured by Connection, giving people 3 proven tips on how to truly Connect with someone special. Why I’m writing this right now is because I was absolutely Blown Away by the response to the topic. Not only was my room absolutely filled to the max (with some people even standing because of lack of seats), but there was a huge resonance for the topic of loneliness and the majority of the audience admitted to feelings of loneliness either occasionally or regularly (and it was an audience of mixed ages). When doing research for this topic, I found some pretty dire statistics about loneliness that certainly matched the reaction of the audience.
So what’s going on? Why are we, as a culture, so much lonelier than we’ve ever been? And what can we do about it? Well, as I mentioned in my speech about the topic, the trick to beating loneliness is through truly Connecting with others. So here’s a brief video we made for this Monday’s “10 Minutes to Healthy Living” which summarizes some of what was discussed in that speech to help you towards true Connection.
Tomorrow is the 14th of February, otherwise known in so many parts of the world now as that special equally cherished as dreaded day of lovers: Valentine’s Day. Valentine’s Day is as much a day that some couples look forward to celebrating their love during as other couples dread being forced to celebrate. Singles too hide out in droves hoping to avoid feeling even more alone than usual for the feelings of lack of love that it stirs up.
From having seen my business double or triple around Valentine’s Day as a Love Coach — either helping unhappy couples to find happiness again, or (more likely) helping singles to find the love they’ve been struggling to find — to now witnessing the holiday from another point of view as a Holistic Therapist (seeing love and connection as one part of several that aids health); I’ve now come to see that what Valentine’s Day really needs is a significant rebrand. I know what you’re thinking: why would anyone want to rebrand a holiday that is so lucrative financially for so many companies in the various love industries?
The problem with Valentine’s Day is that it is “the Great Divider”. It divides couples into those who love to celebrate and those who dread the idea of it. It divides pairs into the one who has high hopes and expectations of Valentine’s Day and the one who’s doing something about it just because it has to be done (I think most of us can guess the sexual divide in that situation). And it divides people in general into those who look forward to celebrating Valentine’s Day and those who run away and hide from it.
In fact, the holiday begins to divide already in High School (or Secondary School), at least in the US. I remember distinctly the dread that would rise within me when Valentine’s Day cards were given out in class when I was in High School in the US. As an immigrant, and a foreigner, I’d moved around a lot in those days depending on where my parents needed to settle for work at the time, and I was very shy, so my friendship numbers were limited and I held onto the fear that no one at all would send me a Valentine’s Day card. I remember how nice it felt when there was a card delivered to me. It was from a new friend I’d just made recently, and that was the beginning of a friendship that lasted for years, where both of us knew that no matter what we always had a card from each other.
So perhaps that’s the lesson to be taken and the rebrand to be made. Valentine’s Day is meant to be a day of love, but there is nothing at all limiting love to just the one sweetheart in our lives — just as love in general shouldn’t be limited to just “the one”. In fact, our hearts are big and love is plentiful, though we love different people in different ways. We can love our Partner in one way and love our kids in a different way. We can love our friends in one way and love our parents, siblings and close family in a different way. Love thrives where it is given and blossoms where it is allowed to bloom. The more love we give, the more another love can thrive. We must allow our hearts to exercise this love in order to feel the freshness andyouthfulness of love thriving within us.
So let’s make Valentine’s Day a day to show love to all: including to ourselves. That little spark of love begins with the love we pay to our own hearts. That little faith in finding love begins with showing that love we seek to our own self. And for those who feel down on love, who have grown bitter with the disappointment of it’s lack — to those who grow old before their time because they only focus on love alluding them and only see that which they lack — to them too I want to give a sprinkle of faith again. There is nothing that can give you love as much as the simple faith in its’ arrival, even if it seems to have eluded you up until this point. Remember that Faith is what you have when sometimes it’s all you have. That’s why it’s called faith after all.
Sometimes there’s a bigger picture to a bigger story that we’re just a piece of playing around us. A wise friend of mine, upon being questioned for different distinctions of how he loved one over another recently said that love was such a vast subject: “Greater philosophers than me couldn’t agree on the specific aspects of love”. The thing about love is that you don’t have to understand it to feel it; you simply have to allow your heart the belief in possibility and the faith in that possibility becoming a reality.
So if you feel that the love you seek is still not there, use Valentine’s Day as a way to channel it in. Need help to do this? Schedule a free 30 minute call with me to show you how I can help you to love yourself better, to feel better in the love you have and to channel true love into your life. Because we all deserve love and true connection.
Do you ever feel lonely and alone and like you really miss the close connection with others or with someone special? Well apparently you’re not alone. In fact, the issue of loneliness has become such a significant situation in our current world that Theresa May has now appointed a new Minister for Loneliness to tackle the loneliness issue in the United Kingdom.
Connection, especially feeling that special connection with people who are close to you (family, friends, kids, your partner), is a wonderful sensation which immediately warms our hearts, makes us feel better and brings purpose to our existence. A truly good relationship, in fact, is one where the couple shares a special connection together. You’ve seen it before: that look that a couple shares that shows that they truly “get” each other. The same is true with two good friends who share so close a connection that they too have a special look they share between each other that speaks volumes. A good boss or manager is someone who manages to build that special connection with their employees where the latter feel truly heard, valued and understood — so much so that they thrive and find joy in helping the former and the company they work for succeed. The same can be said of one’s connection with oneself which is defined by a key self-understanding that’s deep enough to know what feels right and what doesn’t.
In my work with clients up to now I’ve encountered many scenarios of couples loving each other yet missing that special connection with one another. Connection is that extraordinary link that comes and goes and that defines the glue of the relationships we are in. So what is Connection and how can we create it, claim it and hold onto it with the people we value? Well, I’ll be talking quite a bit about it in the next few weeks and in the lead up to the Best You Expo as well as at the Expo. Here is the video intro of my upcoming talk at the Expo on the 16th and 17th February at the Olympia in South Kensington.
From my observation connection naturally begins with being confident in oneself. After all, you have to feel well enough in you to feel comfortable approaching and opening something with someone else. When a new interaction occurs with another human being, feeling certain and confident with oneself allows the interaction to be truthful, honest and even somewhat vulnerable. Therefore the connection requires a quality of not being locked in oneself, not being overly self-centred about one’s issues and being brave enough to be open while also aware enough of comfort lines not to be crossed too quickly. In other words, we need to allow ourselves to be open and vulnerable, but while also keeping awareness of what is appropriate and deserved. This is a fine balance that needs to be learned and perfected and which takes time to master. Don’t worry, I’ve spent years perfecting it and now help many clients to cure their own loneliness through this fine art of connection. True connection begins with a connection with ourselves. This means understanding what feels right and when something doesn’t. It also means connection with our bodies and knowing when we need to take better care of ourselves. True connection is good for our health, is good for our soul and is good for our level of life happiness.
So it’s no surprise that I’ve decided to make my Talk at The Best You Expo on “the importance of Connection and how to master it”. If you would like to delve into the depths of Connection, come and hear my talk on the 16th and 17th of February and come and visit my Health and Lifestyle section stand C42. If you’d like to BEGIN working on this RIGHT AWAY, you can book a free call with me here: Schedule a free 30 minute Discovery Call with mehere.