So, here I was the yesterday just minding my business and finishing some work when a male friend of mine texts me asking me if I know what today is. It’s March 14th I texted back quickly, meanwhile thinking that he could just have seen that on his own phone without having to ask me. “Yes, I know,” he texts back. “Google it.” I was busy so I ignored the text, despite the fact that it had several exclamation points and a wink face on it. It’s just a date, I thought. But he was insistent and texted me again asking if I’d googled it. Two more texts followed so I finally caved and….. whoa!
No wonder he’d been insistent. After all, he knew that I was a Love Coach and that part of my work at least was with women in relationships. He’d also read my blog about Valentine’s Day and had made a joke that men should have a male version of Valentine’s Day to actually cater to their more basic needs. Hint, no chocolate or flowers needed here! Apparently there were enough men out there with the same idea as my friend to bring about an actual day that – yep, you guessed it – catered completely to the male more basic needs. In 2002, according to what I could find on google (and there was quite a bit by the way) “Tom Birdsey, a radio show host on FNX radio, started Steak and BJ Day on March 14th. Like a man’s version of Valentine’s Day, women are called to celebrate the men they love with two simplistic yet highly appreciated acts: providing a steak and performing ….” You can read more about this very interesting male response to Valentine’s Day on http://www.unfinishedman.com/march-14th-steak-and-bj-day/ among other copious articles.
So what is Steak and BJ Day really about and how is it a good thing for us women? Well, clearly it’s men asking to be celebrated in the same way that they agree (often grudgingly) to celebrate the women they love on Valentine’s Day, but in their own special way. Personally, as a Love Coach, I am happy with any day that celebrates love in any way. But I especially appreciate the meaning behind this particular date. Coming exactly a month after Valentine’s Day (no accident there), March 14th is a way for men to remind us women that they’re still men after all, and that they still want to be treated like men, despite the current confused ambi-sexualized and de-sexualized times when women are becoming more masculine and men getting in touch with their more female sides.
Anyone who’s dating these days, no matter what age, will admit that the whole dating game has changed, and not necessarily for the better. We’re all confused. How do you actually meet anyone these days? Well, if you’re young and technical enough, it seems that you must be using some kind of app. So when you’re out with friends, rather than looking around to see who’s there, you should, these days, be looking at your phone. There are apps to tell you exactly who crosses your path at any one time, so that you’re better off scrolling through their photos than seeing them directly at the table across from you. Now if you’re feeling lost and confused in this moment then know that you are not alone. Dating has changed and with it both women and men have changed. Or, rather, the women changed first, then the men to keep up with our changes, and then the entire dating game has shifted. And now we’re all just confused, unsure of what’s acceptable and what’s appropriate in this new high-tech feministic dating generation.
But there is something basic and freeing about the fact that men are still willing to take the plunge and be men, despite the potential outcry from women – or perhaps in spite of it. And why not? Personally, I think yes if any man celebrates my needs as a woman on a random day (or several random days) that I absolutely insist on, I am more than happy to celebrate him back. He deserves it! If we as women insist on having our cake and eating it too and want our men to be men when we want it – but not too much so that it steps on our independence or our personal feminine power – then we need to make sure that we give our men what they need as well, whatever shape that should and could take. So bring it on! I’m all for any day that gives me an excuse to help women to fulfil the needs of their men. We should be fulfilling each other’s needs anyway.
But if men are crying out for more attention, then by all means we should listen and thank them for this very useful feedback. Listening to your partner’s needs (even when he doesn’t spell them out quite so clearly) is already something that I work on with my female clients who are in relationships or beginning them. Now I have even more reason behind my push. Steak anyone?