What the Olympics Can Teach Us About Love

I don’t know if you like me have been glued to the Olympic Games this summer, but I personally can’t seem to get enough. Not only is the drama taking place in the actual competitions nail biting, but there seems to be no lack of it (for better or for worse) outside the Games as well. But that is not what really gripped me about the Olympics this time around. Rather, what got me so glued were the personal stories of some of the athletes that made it to the Games. I happen to personally know a few past Olympic medallists and so I know just how much perseverance it really takes to make it to something as difficult to be part of as the Olympics. All of the medallists I know too have a personal story that involves seemingly endless training and working to get to that goal of a medal, when even just making it to the Olympic Games is already such an honour.

Obviously, the story of triumph in the face of adversity and difficulty is something that we’ve come to expect from the many Olympic champions over the years. All of the champions this year had a similar story told about them and how hard they worked to win that medal that they so badly longed to achieve. Some of the champions returned year on year for yet another medal with perseverance that would make some of us tired and many of us envious.

I’ve watched this story of hard work and triumph with every season of the Olympics, but this year it gripped me more than usual because of the many stories of hope, lost hope, giving up hope, longing and eventual success that are happening around me. In fact, I was watching the Olympics just as I was impatiently writing what could possibly become the first book that I complete. You see, I’ve always thought of myself as a Writer, but I’ve yet to actually complete writing a book. Usually, up to now, I would have lost interest and moved on to another writing project by this point. Watching the hard work of the determined athletes spoke to me of a story of success that I like to tell my clients, however, and I continue to this day to persevere towards my own lofty goal. Very often we give up on a project, whatever it is, just moments before the success that we so long for comes to us and we curse our lack of triumph for all of the years to come, lamenting our wasted moments and our anonymity or lack of successful fulfilment. Sometimes those moments can take days, weeks, months, even years… But success could be maybe just around the corner and achieved simply by enduring perseverance put forward with the right formula in the right direction. It is that perseverance that filters out the successful Olympic champions from those that simply live in dreams they never work hard enough to achieve of a success that never actually comes.

It is the same with the clients that come to me looking for love. As much as they desperately want to meet that someone special to share their lives with, sometimes they’re just not willing to work as hard as it takes to win that gold medal of the love they seek. Very often those same clients work incredibly hard for the other things that they want in their life: their fitness routine to stay in shape, their work to get to the top of the corporate ladder, keeping their home looking immaculate, even their friendships, etc. But for some reason, when it comes to their love life they just believe that it should fall into their lap and should come easily and without much work to achieve it.

While watching the Olympics, it suddenly hit me that just as I will never be a published Writer if I don’t ever persevere enough to finish a book, so will your ideal love life be close to impossible to achieve if you don’t work for it. I know many people in happy, fulfilling relationships: my parents, my sister, my aunts and uncles, my cousins, some of my good friends… From what I can tell, what differentiates those who have successful relationships from those who don’t are five key ingredients: communication, compatibility, chemistry, hard work and gratitude. The first three are no more important than the last two. The first three you either find or you don’t; they can’t really be created out of nothing, and sometimes they fade over time and have to be re-created or re-defined with growing time together. The last two are what keep the relationship together even through the tougher times of difficulties, challenges, and inevitabilities that arise for every relationship. The couples that I know that work through issues even when difficulties arise (as they inevitably do) are the ones who last – but only if they truly value each other enough to work through these issues. A life together with another person will always naturally include many challenges; there is no way around it. The trick is to have the perseverance to work through these difficulties and the gratitude to realise what you have and to truly value it.

The same is true when looking for love: it takes the perseverance and hard work to accept the trials and tribulations and the occasional disasters and failures; along with the gratitude to be thankful for how far along the journey you’ve come and to believe that if you just persevere long enough in the right way, you will achieve your goal of achieving your own person ideal love life.

Just like the Olympic champions made it part of the way with pure hard work and perseverance, and the rest of the way thanks to good coaches that guided them and pushed them throughout the journey, so the same is true in that search for love. Just as I have had some fantastic guidance pushing me forward in the direction of success towards which I am still driving my way through, so I have offered guidance and the push when needed for my clients up to now.

If you’re looking for a guide to propel your love life forward and would like to find out more about my upcoming workshops and my one to one work with clients, schedule your free half hour call with me by emailing info@juliakeller.co.uk with “BetterLoveLife” in the subject line (or just reply to this newsletter and change the subject line to the one above.

Recently, we completed the last week of our first official online workshop. Though it was a pilot, and there were a few sticking issues that we still needed to iron out (hence the lower price and special offers), the workshop actually went really well and had some wonderful reviews from participants. One of the areas where we seemed to run out of time in each week was the Q&A part, which took on a life of its’ own as participants opened up more and more with questions from their personal dating and relationship issues. Before we began the workshop, I also asked current clients, potential clients and friends for any big questions they had, and I gathered together questions from past clients as well. Now I’m opening the floor up to you all, both on my social media and also through this newsletter. This Q&A will become a regular addition to our newsletter series and we’ll be answering your questions (keeping you anonymous of course) on videos which you’ll also find on YouTube in our new “Q&A with Love Coach Julia Keller” section. So please do ask away. You can email us on juliakellercoaching@gmail.com, or reply to any of our current newsletters on my website or as a comment on the site at www.juliakeller.co.uk or you can simply post a comment on our YouTube channel, Twitter (@JuliaKellerUK), Instagram (/JuliaKellerCoach) and Facebook (/CoachJuliaKeller). So ask away…

Need any more help around these two areas? Have questions you want answered? Then join my free Q&A webinar on setting yourself apart from the crowd which will cover these issues too and will have an opportunity for you to ask any additional questions that you may have.

Your Love Questions Answered 

Many, many of you have asked me quite a few questions about dating, love, relationships, and even sex. A few of you (you know who you are) who’s questions I have so thoroughly answered have suggested even that I get a column in a women’s magazine answering the love questions of women everywhere. I’d be very happy to so if anyone knows anyone who may be looking for someone to write such a column, please do send them my way. Until then, however, I thought it a nice thing to make the answers to some of these many questions available to more of you. So every once in a while I’ll be reading your questions aloud and answering them in a video format, and every once in a while (when the questions are written), I’ll be putting a newsletter out to answer them. This is one such example. Here are some fantastic questions that some of you have asked me and that I’m now answering below. Please feel free to share these answers and this newsletter and my blog with any friends who you think could benefit. And please do continue to send in your questions to either  

juliakellercoaching@gmail.com

Twitter: JuliaKellerUK

Facebook: CoachJuliaKeller

Instagram: JuliaKellerCoach

Question about creating a good date:

Hi there, I date a lot but most of the time I don’t get a second date because the guys say (I’ve heard from friends) that they didn’t feel the chemistry, or they call me a “nice girl”.  I know it’s not my looks because they usually do say that I’m pretty. What am I doing wrong and how do I create that chemistry?

Chemistry is that secret, elusive thing that seems to be all-encompassing and a reason why the next date happens or doesn’t. Good chemistry is based on several things. One of these is good rapport and this is based both on interesting conversation and that desire to get closer to each other which drives you to want to see each other again. While some parts of this are just either there or not, much of chemistry is something that you actually have the power to influence. Here are some tips for creating good chemistry.

1. Creating interesting conversation is as much your responsibility as his; keep the conversation flowing by listening well to what he’s saying, being enthusiastic and interested in him and his life, and demonstrating that you can keep up your end of the conversation. Smile, laugh at his jokes (if you think they’re funny), and ask follow-up questions to get to know him on a deeper level. Be comfortable enough in who you are to voice your opinion, but in a feminine and flirty way (this is a date, not a debate).
2. Ask “imaginary questions” (eg: what would you do if…) to create a vibe that’s intriguing and that shows that you aren’t typical in the way you think. This will also help you to find out more about him and how he thinks.  Ask follow-up questions to understand what truly motivates him and find out if he’s really for you. Remember that you are choosing him as much as he’s choosing you. Show that you’re confident in who you are and what you’re worth and that you want to get to know him better. It’s very flattering to be on the receiving end of that.
3. Use “disturbing eye contact”, a smile, and light appropriate touch to deepen the chemistry and to create that vibe that will have him thinking about you. Chemistry is partially based on a sexual desire, so you need to be comfortable with being desired and feel that you are desirable.

Question about when it’s right to be intimate with him:

When is the right time to be intimate with a man? Is there a too soon of too long to wait? I think I’m not doing this at the right time as I’d have a lot of guys who want to sleep with me and who I would then begin a fantastic sexual relationship with. But they always just saw me as the woman they slept with and not the one they could potentially marry or even have a committed relationship with, so I was often “the other woman” or the one a guy would hang out with until something better came along or when he wasn’t ready for anything serious. I don’t want to be that woman anymore; I want to be the one who he wants to have a relationship with. How do I do that?

I put the question of when the right time for sex was to quite a few men during the interview series and before. The majority of men said that they would wait for quite a while for a woman who’s worth it (quite a while being 1-3 months and some even said more if there’s a special reason or if she’s very special); so never feel pressure to rush into sex. A man who truly likes you for you and not just the desire to sleep with you will wait for when you’re ready and will never make you feel bad about waiting. You should only be intimate with him when you’re comfortable. 

Him thinking of you as relationship potential rather than just someone to sleep with is something that is completely within your control. Here are some tips to make that happen.

1. It begins with you believing that you’re worthy of being loved and of being chosen by a man as someone to have a relationship with. You have to really believe it yourself first before you are ready to convince anyone else of that fact. 
2. Once you really and truly believe that you’re worth waiting for, you begin to operate from a place of high standards, so that you no longer accept men giving you less than what you believe you deserve. This then comes into all the ways that you deal with men all the time, though you may need to re-educate them initially if they are not accustomed to seeing this from you.
3. Finally, you relay your expectations onto the man you’re dating by making it clear (but in a very sweet, flirty, and feminine way) that you only accept men treating you in a certain way and that intimacy to you is something special that you save for only that special man in your life and that you are only intimate with men who you have a committed, monogamous relationship with. The best time to enter into the conversation that leads to you saying this to a man is when he either discusses or hints at wanting to have sex with you (through words or actions, ie: invites you over to his place “for dinner”). That’s your opportunity to thank him for his really kind offer while also just checking with him to make sure you’re on the same page. You can say something like: “That’s so sweet of you to invite me over with you cooking for me. I would definitely love to come to yours and to spend some more private time with you, but considering the chemistry between us, I think we both know what could potentially happen, so I just want to be really honest with you in case we both decide that we want to go there. Intimacy with someone for me is something really special and I’m very selective with who I choose to be intimate with. It’s something I only do with someone who I’m in a monogamous, committed relationship with. I know we haven’t known each other for that long, so totally get it if you’re not ready for that kind of commitment with me yet. We can continue to hang out and get to know each other better for now and revisit the topic of being intimate together and me coming over to yours when we’re on the same page about it”. Then stick to your decision (sweetly but adamantly) no matter what he says or does next, smiling flirtingly when he tries to convince you to relent or change your mind or be more flexible. Then watch what happens next. If he really likes you for you, he will respect your wishes and actually respect you more for what you’ve said (you have set your standards and it then shows you as higher value in his eyes). If he disappears, rest assured that it’s because all he ever wanted from you was sex and you are better off without him.

As a Love Coach, of course I have a special interest in reading books that have to do with Love. Some of the books have significantly influenced my love coaching and clients hear me quoting them on a regular basis. One such book and one of my favourites is The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

Everyone who knows me well has heard me quote this book at least several hundreds of times. All of my clients, close friends, close family, and anyone who’s dated me since I read it (including my current boyfriend) have been forced (yes “forced” is an accurate word) to fill out the 30 question multiple choice quiz that then leads to the explanation of their love languages. In fact, I have given this quiz to so many people that I now have it on my phone to easily pass on to the next willing victim (um I may want to substitute that word for a softer one perhaps even if it is rather accurate.) 😉

If you haven’t read this book yet (which means you haven’t been around me enough to be sufficiently brainwashed, or you have by now developed some amazing immunity because of being around me for very, very long) ;-} then you might be wondering right now what these “5 love languages” actually are and why I’m devoting an entire Tuesday blog to writing about this book?

Chapman explains that the 5 Love Languages are the 5 different ways in which most of us primarily want to feel loved. In other words, to “feel” loved, we need to “receive” love in our primary love languages. He has divided that way into the 5 that he believes are the most prominent for the majority of people. Each person, he claims, then wants to receive love and give love in 1-2 primary languages of the 5 mentioned. Therein lies the dilemma. If you and your partner like to receive love in different ways, you may be giving love in a way that your partner doesn’t recognise hence still leaving your partner feeling unloved. To explain better, let me first list the 5 love languages

The 5 Love Languages

o   Words of affirmation

o   Quality time

o   Receiving gifts

o   Acts of service

o   Physical touch

When I began as a Transformational Love Coach, I initially tended to work primarily with women who were single or recently out of a relationship to help them get their confidence back, to love themselves better in order to have a better relationship going forward, and to help them understand how to meet that seemingly elusive quality man that’s ideal for them and how to move onto a long-term committed relationship with him. Through that work, as well as my work around femininity, I began also attracting the interest of women in relationships that they felt were either no longer working, or were “going nowhere”, or that had “lost that spark” after years together. My first step was of course to help each client determine whether their relationship still had longevity and if it was something that matched her life vision and hence something that she wanted to continue to work on and improve. My next step was to understand where the mismatch between the couple could be. For this, I used the 5 Love Languages. More often than not, this was a good start.

Let me illustrate with a former client of mine. Through the language that my client used often to describe what she was most unhappy about in the relationship, I began to suspect that her main love languages were “physical touch” and “words of affirmation”. From what she described of her partner’s language and his complaints about her, I supposed that his main language was “quality time”. After explaining the languages to her, I suggested that she take the quiz and ask her partner to take it too. She was so impressed with the idea, and the discovery of her own languages, that she then decided to read the book in order to learn more. She then excitedly suggested to her partner that he too read the book. However, as she did this in her normal manner (without thinking of how to best “sell” the idea to him), he resisted. I then had her imagine herself as her partner and brainstorm why he would possibly not want to take the quiz from her suggestion and also what would potentially be a better approach of suggesting the quiz and the book to him. This time, as she came to him from his perspective, he embraced the idea and even read the book.

This prompted a wonderful, open discussion which I had prepped her for by thinking from her partner’s point of view. Hence the discussion served to clarify issues and to have a mutual understanding that they wish to improve things and to work together towards that goal. It was very positive and brought them closer together than they’d been in years. They also came upon a realisation that each was loving the other in their own way and perhaps not in the way that the other needed. Once each saw how the other needed to be loved – he wanted her to spend more quality time with him and she needed to hear that he loved her and found her attractive and also to have him be more tactile towards her – they were able to create a much deeper, more loving relationship than they’d felt they were in for ages. Thus, in this example, I used the love languages as one part of the coaching to help a couple who felt that they were “growing apart” come back together.

I also use the languages to help single women to understand what they need to feel truly loved so that they can articulate it early to potential future partners and hence understand if a partner is right for them or not. Does he listen and understand what she needs and find a way to demonstrate that to her, or does he dismiss it outright as “ridiculous”. One single client, for instance, was going out with a man who she thought resembled everything she wanted from a superficial point of view on paper. However, she kept feeling as if her date was dismissive of her feelings and her desires and that he only had superficial feelings for her. This happened over a series of dates and bothered her as she was considering being intimate with this man but still didn’t feel that much warmth from him. Once she took the quiz and realised what her languages were, she shared this with him gently and sweetly on their next date. He reacted dismissively and she became aware of a pattern of him dismissing her desires and what was important to her in favour of his own. She then ended the relationship with him. Shortly after she met a very different kind of man who was warm and caring about her needs and her desires and who reacted very favourably when she shared the concept of the love languages with him and even offered to read the book. They are still very happily together in a committed and loving relationship.

The 5 Love Languages is therefore a fantastic addition to my coaching and something I use frequently with both my single and partnered up Love Coaching clients and I suggest it to my current and future clients and friends. If you’d like to read a sample of this book, you can find it at this link: https://read.amazon.co.uk/kp/embed?asin=B00OICLVBI&asin=B00OICLVBI&preview=newtab&linkCode=kpe&ref_=cm_sw_r_kb_dp_QuKCxb57Z9NXN&tag=jgkwri09-21

If you want to learn how you too can improve your relationship or your love life, email us to schedule a free call, free session, or free workshop trial session.

Celebrating Independence Day with Independence

In the United States, where I spent quite a lot of my youth, yesterday was a very special day of celebration: Independence Day. The irony of my life choices isn’t lost on me when I am sitting here in the country that the United States declared independence from all those years ago, in London in the United Kingdom that now chose it’s own version of independence with the choice to be independent from the European Union as chosen in the recent referendum.
The declaration of independence of the United States (though not called that yet then) began with the “Boston Tea Party” and the now infamous quote of “throw the tea into the sea” and the official on 16 December, 1773. Approximately three years later, after much fighting and bloodshed, on the famously celebrated day of 4 July, 1776, the United States signed it’s commemorated document, The Declaration of Independence.
Luckily, Britain’s attempt at independence from the European Union has begun in a much less violent way. The margin of people for this leaving is also not so much a majority as that famous day many years ago and the situation is very different with results also still unclear and uncertain. This is a different time and this is a very different kind of desire for independence.

Now is an opportunity in the world when the majority of us living in the western world are blessed with much more decision-making power and the ability to create our own independence, both within ourselves and within our world. We are now much more independent and free than we’ve ever been. So shouldn’t we be happy? Shouldn’t we be thanking our lucky stars to have everything we fought so dearly for all those centuries ago? Or perhaps we missed a point somewhere somehow. What if what we really need isn’t so much independence as it’s a kind of cooperative interdependence – kind of like a good couple that decides to cohabitate and share their lives together. They understand that to make the couple really work, they need to function both as a team and also as separate individuals, so that all three have needs met and are happy with the arrangement. So long as they listen and are aware and understanding of each other, the arrangement functions and they grow closer together. But what do they do when they are not happy? In that scenario, declaring a war of independence doesn’t really seem like the right thing to do, does it? Rather, most people would suggest that they find a way to communicate their issues and to discuss them together in order to come to a mutually-beneficial agreement.
That’s the work I help the couples that I work with do together and I help each understand the mindset and point of view of the other and of the team. Now, if only we could teach governments how to do that better…

Below, my thoughts on independence versus interdependence. And if you have an issue you’d like help with working out in your relationship, schedule a free trial session with me by emailing juliakellercoaching@gmail.com.

As I mentioned on my video in last week’s mailer, I’ve been doing some very interesting research to try and understand What Men Really Want. Interview after interview and the learning from this research has began to take on a life of its own with dramatic and incredible results.

Armed with enough of a sample size to understand what works and what doesn’t — not just from what I believe, but also from what men have told me — I’ve helped women to improve their energy, their look, and their self-esteem and to flirt and come across as more desirable for men. I’ve also helped them to improve their online and swipe app profiles: both in how they appear and in what they say that gets noticed. This stuff really works!

At the same time, a good friend of mine handed me a book that further has added to what I teach clients. “This sounded like so much of what you say,” she told me, “so I knew you had to read it”. Seeing much of my own research and beliefs that I pass on to clients backed up by a well-known and highly-respected Therapist living and working in America for decades who gives talks and runs groups on the topic further gave me credence. She had come to the same conclusion that I came to and was delivering it as I was, with the same mission.

But there was an additional finding in her research which gave me a huge realisation. I had always believed that men and women have different roles in a relationship and that one should not try to be the other. But I had been puzzled by relationships that were very successful where the woman played the stronger role. Surely, I reasoned, there is something here that works and that I’m missing. The writings of Dr Patricia Allen gave me the realisation that I needed.

As I’d always believed, the roles in a successful relationship should indeed be different for the masculine and the feminine partners in the relationship. However, a woman can play either one of those roles as long as — and this is the key — her partner plays the opposite role. Hence, a relationship can work with a woman taking either of the feminine or the more masculine role, so long as her partner takes the opposite role.

Since reading this, I’ve re-listened to the interviews and even edited my questioning slightly for the future ones. I’ve also changed how I help women to meet men, finding out first which role they prefer to play and keeping this in mind when I help them to meet the men that they are most interested in. Again, with dramatic results as now my clients are free to explore the role that feels more comfortable to them and not the one that has been prescribed to them by the society that they live in. Again, more work to help women to stay true to who they are while becoming the best and most irresistible woman that they can be.

To find out more about this work and the results of the interviews with men, schedule a free one hour discovery session with me and stay tuned for the next couple of months when I will bring you some of the key findings in each of the interviews that I make available.

I have now almost filled up my one to one coaching cycle beginning end of April and am only taking 2 more clients until the next cycle in June. If you feel that you have a compelling enough need to be one of these two clients, please respond to this email with “ideal love life” and a bit about your story and why you would like my help to create that ideal love life that you’ve always wanted. If you qualify, we will contact you to arrange a free discovery session.

For those who want to work with me and find out what it take to become a truly irresistible woman, you can sign up now to one of my upcoming workshops which I’ll be launching next month.

So, here I was the yesterday just minding my business and finishing some work when a male friend of mine texts me asking me if I know what today is. It’s March 14^th I texted back quickly, meanwhile thinking that he could just have seen that on his own phone without having to ask me. “Yes, I know,” he texts back. “Google it.” I was busy so I ignored the text, despite the fact that it had several exclamation points and a wink face on it. It’s just a date, I thought. But he was insistent and texted me again asking if I’d googled it. Two more texts followed so I finally caved and….. whoa!
No wonder he’d been insistent. After all, he knew that I was a Love Coach and that part of my work at least was with women in relationships. He’d also read my blog about Valentine’s Day and had made a joke that men should have a male version of Valentine’s Day to actually cater to their more basic needs. Hint, no chocolate or flowers needed here! Apparently there were enough men out there with the same idea as my friend to bring about an actual day that – yep, you guessed it – catered completely to the male more basic needs. In 2002, according to what I could find on google (and there was quite a bit by the way) “Tom Birdsey, a radio show host on FNX radio, started Steak and BJ Day on March 14th. Like a man’s version of Valentine’s Day, women are called to celebrate the men they love with two simplistic yet highly appreciated acts: providing a steak and performing ….” You can read more about this very interesting male response to Valentine’s Day on http://www.unfinishedman.com/march-14th-steak-and-bj-day/ among other copious articles.

So what is Steak and BJ Day really about and how is it a good thing for us women? Well, clearly it’s men asking to be celebrated in the same way that they agree (often grudgingly) to celebrate the women they love on Valentine’s Day, but in their own special way. Personally, as a Love Coach, I am happy with any day that celebrates love in any way. But I especially appreciate the meaning behind this particular date. Coming exactly a month after Valentine’s Day (no accident there), March 14^th is a way for men to remind us women that they’re still men after all, and that they still want to be treated like men, despite the current confused ambi-sexualized and de-sexualized times when women are becoming more masculine and men getting in touch with their more female sides.

Anyone who’s dating these days, no matter what age, will admit that the whole dating game has changed, and not necessarily for the better. We’re all confused. How do you actually meet anyone these days? Well, if you’re young and technical enough, it seems that you must be using some kind of app. So when you’re out with friends, rather than looking around to see who’s there, you should, these days, be looking at your phone. There are apps to tell you exactly who crosses your path at any one time, so that you’re better off scrolling through their photos than seeing them directly at the table across from you. Now if you’re feeling lost and confused in this moment then know that you are not alone. Dating has changed and with it both women and men have changed. Or, rather, the women changed first, then the men to keep up with our changes, and then the entire dating game has shifted. And now we’re all just confused, unsure of what’s acceptable and what’s appropriate in this new high-tech feministic dating generation.

But there is something basic and freeing about the fact that men are still willing to take the plunge and be men, despite the potential outcry from women – or perhaps in spite of it. And why not? Personally, I think yes if any man celebrates my needs as a woman on a random day (or several random days) that I absolutely insist on, I am more than happy to celebrate him back. He deserves it! If we as women insist on having our cake and eating it too and want our men to be men when we want it – but not too much so that it steps on our independence or our personal feminine power – then we need to make sure that we give our men what they need as well, whatever shape that should and could take. So bring it on! I’m all for any day that gives me an excuse to help women to fulfil the needs of their men. We should be fulfilling each other’s needs anyway.

But if men are crying out for more attention, then by all means we should listen and thank them for this very useful feedback. Listening to your partner’s needs (even when he doesn’t spell them out quite so clearly) is already something that I work on with my female clients who are in relationships or beginning them. Now I have even more reason behind my push. Steak anyone?

Julia xx

Committing, Focusing, Celebrating

The Art of Manifesting Love

Valentine’s Day has passed, bringing with it that crystal clear sentiment of feeling more single if we’re single. We live in a world these days that doesn’t allow us to sit and wallow for long. Work, life, and the everyday get in the way. But if you’re single, and you don’t want to be single, then that feeling of being singled out isn’t one that disappears. In fact, it’ll come back to haunt you in those unexpected moment. You’re on a tube or a bus and you see a happy couple leaning against each other. You’re in a restaurant with friends and you see another happy couple holding hands on the table and stealing kisses from each other when they think no one is watching. You’re walking in the park and there’s a couple walking together happily flirting and giggling with one another like two teenagers. And then it happens. That creeping feeling that you don’t want to let in, that you’ve spent all this time keeping out, that you’ve filled with whatever you can to try and suffocate it; it comes creeping back in. And it sounds something like this: “Why don’t I have somebody special in my life? What is it about her that makes her lovable that I’m missing? Why doesn’t anyone love me like that?”

The thing about love is that it is out there and available to all of us, just like sustenance of any kind. Whatever higher being you believe in – which I’ll just call The Universe for now – it wants us all to find what we’re after. It wants our success and it desires our happiness. Then the question of all time arises: Why is it that some people find happiness, love, financial security and success…; while others don’t?

Ever since I began coaching clients on improving their love lives some time back, I have tried to isolate the key ingredients that some possess that ensures that they are successful in love. Even with my clients, I’ve seen some find success immediately, while others take longer to understand and act on the principles that I teach them. In my quest to understand what works, I’ve began to watch and question the women who I find successful and to dissect what makes them that way. I’ve also started quite a big research project with men, which I’ll be telling everyone on my mailing list about very soon. Let’s just say, it’s BIG and I’ll be sharing it will all of you loyal readers and allow you to partake in some incredible findings.

But other than all of these clear ingredients which I’ve learned about, I’ve also discovered a key principle which I’m now sharing with my current clients to unbelievable success: I call it The Art of Manifesting Love. Like all success in life, love is something that we need to learn to manifest into our lives and there is a way to manifest that brings about miracles. I have seen it clearly in my own life over the years: both for my career and for my love life. I have also seen how forgetting about the principle, and ignoring some of the rules of success, led to long moments of lack. As happens to many people, the feeling of lack then increases inside me that lack which then surfaces in life as more of that lacking. If I would allow myself to get stuck and sink into that feeling, that would then have the effect of further eroding my life. Believe me, I’ve been there and I’ve done that. Luckily, however, this distance from the life I want to live would serve eventually to wake me up into pursuing what I want once again, and I would reconnect with the principles and bring my life back in order and flowing in the right direction.

All of us will go through moments of emptiness, moments of unhappiness with our lives, moments of feeling alone in our journey and realising that we don’t want to be alone. The trick is to use that feeling of dissatisfaction to propel us forward, and not as an excuse to wallow and to sink into the beckoning unhappiness. It is always easier to complain, to sit at home and moan about how poor the options of great men out there are while sinking a spoon into a pot of ice cream and watching a chick flick on our own (or whatever your poison). It’s much more difficult to come to grips with the fact that we’re unhappy and to do something about it finally. I’ve had clients that I met for the first time a year before they decided to finally sign up and do something about their lives.

Sometimes it takes many years to be ready to change; after all, change isn’t easy. Some clients I met at the beginning of my coaching and they weren’t ready to take me up on the offer. At that time, though my prices were low, they seemed too high because they were still in a place of complaining and wallowing. Months later, however, something shifted and they realised that they didn’t want to be alone anymore and that they were finally ready to do something about it. By that point, my prices had increased, but they were ready to act and so they paid without hesitation. I have unlimited patience for people to be ready to act, because I know that until they’re ready, I can’t really help them. Thanks to this realisation, I’ve now implemented a short set of questions that I ask clients to make sure that they’re the kind of client that I want to work with and that I feel I can help in ensuring a success story for. Now I only take clients who are truly ready to begin their journey to a better love life, and the results achieved are profound.

Without darkness, there can never be light. Without failure, there can never be success. Without obstacles in our way, we can never feel that incredible feeling of successfully surpassing them. If you are ready to begin your journey towards a better love life, I am here to help you get there. For those that qualify, I am offering a free session to help you on your way. Reply to this email with “Better love life” in the subject field to receive my list of screening questions to ensure that you are ready to pursue your own love success story.

Time To Act is Now

Ever since I’ve began telling people that I’m a Love Coach, the response I get has been very often a resounding “Oh I really need you!” While this is obviously great for my coaching career, and while I’ve won quite a few clients just by meeting them, it’s also unfortunately a sign of our times when there are more singles than ever and where people struggle more than ever before to truly connect (in person) to another human being. The problem with today is that we all walk around being extra polite and PC to one another and playing some game that makes us seem like everyone else playing the same game. But this doesn’t work. It doesn’t get us what we actually want, which is normally to be really loved and accepted by another human being and to truly love and accept them back; and it doesn’t bring us any closer to happiness. On this coming Valentine’s Day in this year of 2016, have the rules of dating changed so much that we don’t even recognize what we’re meant to be anymore? We’ve forgotten what it feels like to love for real (and that’s a word few dare to utter anymore), to fight for what we truly want, to put our hearts out there and possibly have them ripped out. We’re so afraid of getting hurt, that we don’t allow ourselves to feel anymore. But can we ignore the fact that we cannot fly unless we jump. We cannot soar unless we take a risk and at least attempt flight. We are so afraid of getting hurt, that we do nothing. We are so fearful of crashing that we take no risks. Instead we flick from one image to another on our Tinder screens, because that is a safer type of rejection than actually putting ourselves out there and being rejected. We go through bodies like they’re disposable but we don’t get past the limbs into the soul and we don’t allow anyone into our soul. Everything seems too replaceable, too ready to be discarded. There is always something better around the corner, isn’t there? Why work on anything? Why try to make anything last when there is always something else that is younger, more shiny, more new, and less full of cracks. We are so fearful of the pain that will maybe possibly come from being hurt one day if someone doesn’t love us as we are that we hide who we are under layers of protective unfeeling instead. We take no risks; we jump no leaps; we stand for nothing; and we never stand out of the crowd of everyone else who stands for nothing too. We blend; we fit in. We forget that what actually makes us special — what makes us amazing — is that fearless individuality that we’re trying so hard to hide. I have been hurt and I have done the hurting. I have cried buckets for both. But it has passed and I’ve healed and I’ve moved forward. But of all the pain  that one can feel in this world, there is little that feels as bad as loneliness. There is little to cure that constant ache that comes from hiding behind all the layers that stop us from ever reaching what we really want to hold. It isn’t constantly changing bodies that we’re after; not really. Even those who are temporarily distracted by bodies are actually after something much more profound eventually. But as it works in finance; it works the same in life and in love: no risk; no return. If you risk nothing — nothing of yourself and nothing of your heart — then you end up with nothing. You end up alone. Or worse, you end up with the wrong someone and just as lonely as if you were alone. As someone who has been in all directions of pain, I think that one is the worst. Valentine’s Day is coming this week, and I know the feeling of wanting to hide, hibernate, escape, whatever. I know the feeling of wanting to run away and ignore that ache that comes from being lonely on a day that seems to celebrate love. But what if we took a risk and did something different this time around. What if instead of running, hiding, hibernating, escaping, or whatever; we stood still and faced the reality of our situation and actually looked it flat in the face and said “no more!” What if we did something about it. What if we took a risk. What if we jumped. What if we laid our heart raw and took the risk of someone trampling on it. What if we said, “that’s it! Now I do everything I can to make sure that from now on my life will be different.” We will never win another’s heart if we are constantly afraid of letting ours go bare. We will never set ourselves apart from the masses if we always just say the right thing that we hope they’re wanting to hear, if we just blend. We will never stand out from a crowd of everyone else if we behave like everyone else. To be noticed, to be seen, to be felt, to be desired above every other person, we must be different. We must be brave. We must risk everything. And if we feel that we have nothing; well then we have nothing to lose. We must ignore the fear; we must take a risk. We must jump and even if we fall flat on our faces, those moments of excitement, the moments of passion — those moments when we really feel that we can only experience if we take a risk — they will be bigger and better than anything we can imagine if we play it safe; and they will last us a lifetime of memories and maybe even will create a lifetime of love. If you’re ready to leap and take a risk and to improve your love life, then take advantage of my Valentine’s offers: One free hour love tune up session for the first 5 who respond with “Valentine’s deal” in an email. Or take close to 40% off my Irresistible Woman workshops coming up later this year, either in London or online. Julia xx

Why So Many Women Are Single

I must admit that since I’ve decided to “own it” and commit to being a Love Coach full time, I’ve met some very interesting people and heard some fascinating stories which bring new light to why so many women are single.

Just the other day, I was at a theatre event, with my boyfriend, that was preceded by some mingling time for guests. As I teach my clients the importance of chatting to people and mingling at social events (including skills for “working a room”), I decided to put those techniques to use in this real-life situation. So, after turning to a couple beside us and ensuring that my boyfriend was happily in conversation, I walked off and eyed the room for interesting people to speak to. Immediately, I caught sight of a woman who I thought was cute, but, from her energy and look, I figured was definitely single. She was standing beside another woman looking rather uncomfortable, her mobile clutched in her hands nervously as if she’d turn to it the minute that her friend found someone else to converse with. This happened pretty quickly as the friend was greeted by someone she knew with whom she began an enthusiastic conversation. As I expected, rather than looking for someone else to speak with, this woman began instead to scroll nervously through her phone.

I decided to rescue her. Walking in her direction, I met eyes with and smiled at a man I’d never met who was clearly eager to chat with someone. I introduced myself to the woman on the phone with an admiring line about her handbag. She seemed extremely relieved to have someone actually approach her and we immediately began to converse. She seemed very sweet and I liked her energy. Upon discovering what I do, she launched into a hurricane of just how difficult it was to meet men in London and how “she’d tried everything”. I listened attentively but didn’t offer any advice, as I would have normally a year ago.

My very supportive boyfriend encouraged me to follow my dream of helping to empower women to find love, and paid for me to be coached by a well-known “Supercoach”, named Judymay, who coaches other coaches on how to get themselves out there and succeed as coaches. Judymay explained to me the importance of “not giving free advice” to people I meet. Clients value much more what they pay for and will actually put that into action. It was true. My parents, who are therapists, had always told me that “if someone wants professional advice, they will pay for it. If they won’t pay for it, they don’t really want it or aren’t ready to hear it”.

Thanks to Judymay’s advice, I was able to avoid telling this woman that she would easily meet someone if she would just mingle rather than looking at her phone. At that moment, the man I’d exchanged a glance with came over and began speaking with me. The woman by my side was just about to shrink away and scroll through her phone again when I introduced her to this man who seemed very keen to chat. I noticed my boyfriend looking at me a bit warily, so I came over to him, gave him a reassuring pat and introduced him to another group standing beside us that I’d never even met before. He easily began to converse with the man in the group, so I moved on.

This time I spotted a woman sitting on one of the chairs to the side of the room reading a book. Yes, that’s right: she was actually sitting and reading a book during a mingling event. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt and consider that maybe she was married and didn’t want to meet anyone (though I think we should all be meeting new people all the time regardless of our couple situation). I sat down beside her and asked a question about the book, remarking that I’d heard the author’s name (I hadn’t) and wondering what she thought of it. She seemed pleased to have someone who actually came over to speak with her and spoke animatedly about the various books the author had written and how much she enjoyed his writing style. When she discovered that I was a Love Coach, she right away said, “oh gosh, I could sure use one; I haven’t had a date in years”. “Yes,” I thought. “That might have something to do with the fact that you are sitting and reading a book rather than taking the opportunity to mingle while at an event loaded with available men”. I said nothing but instead began asking her more questions about her. In fact she was easily engaged, very well spoken, and had a fascinating life. I was captivated and saddened by the thought of this fascinating woman not being able to find a man.

Just then, a man with an cute white doggy sat down beside us and I immediately went to stroke him and commented on how adorable he was. From my many dog-owner friends, I even knew some of the key questions to ask to keep a dog conversation afloat. The woman beside me was just about to launch into her book again when, instead, I introduced her to the man with the dog (who I’d never met before). As it turned out, she too was a dog owner and the two easily chatted about the funny things their two dogs did (that wasn’t so hard). Considering my job there done, I noticed the woman with the mobile phone was once again back on her phone as the man I’d introduced her to had moved on.

I was about to return to rescue her again when a man with a lovely knitted scarf beside me caught my eye. I smiled and commented on his scarf. He told me that his daughter had knitted it and we began a lively conversation about how lovely it was that children were being taught how to knit in school (my daughter’s school had a knitting club and she was eagerly knitting a scarf for her little sister). At that point, I noticed my boyfriend looking like he needed rescuing, so I introduced the man with the scarf to the woman with the phone. By the time I walked over to give my boyfriend a warm squeeze, the man with the scarf had moved on and the woman was back on her phone. Luckily, the performance was just about to start so we were all called to sit down.

During the intermission, the woman with the phone approached me eagerly and asked me if I knew the two men that I had introduced her to. “No, I just met them,” I replied. She seemed shocked. “But how did you talk to them so easily?” she asked. “It was like you’d known them for ages!” “Actually, that’s one of the things that I teach my clients,” I replied, shamelessly giving myself a plug as Judymay had instructed. She quickly asked for my card. I apologised that my new logo wasn’t ready yet, so I didn’t have any cards, but promised I’d email her if she gave me her email address. The woman with the book approached me as well at the end of the play and thanked me for introducing her to the man with the dog. It turned out that she and the man were almost neighbours and the two had a dog-walking date planned for that coming weekend. She was nervous, she said though, as she hadn’t had a date in years. I said that I’d be happy to guide her as “that’s one of the things that I do with clients”, and she gave me her card.

My boyfriend meanwhile had made a good work connection. There was a queue for picking up the coats on the way out so I took the opportunity to chat with a couple that was waiting beside us. We found out that all four of us were going to be at the same art exhibit the following weekend so we exchanged numbers saying that maybe we could grab a coffee there.

At the end of that event, I walked out with two perspective clients and some possible new friends. My boyfriend had made a good business connection; and a date between two complete strangers was arranged. All of that was made possible by some simple mingling.

So why are so many women single when it’s just a matter of an easy conversation? I asked some of my shier single friends that question. “Maybe we just don’t feel confident enough to try,” one told me. Or maybe they just don’t know the techniques for mingling in a social situation.

~ Julia

It’s the beginning of the newest year now, the beginning of 2016, and I must admit that I spent quite a bit of my time stuck in the past – very much in the past in fact. I spent it stuck into the latest several series of Downton Abbey. Ok I must admit that, though I am normally too busy doing too many things, occasionally I become one of those people who becomes so involved in a series that I don’t want to do anything at all, except sit home and watch it. Not many series have that effect on me. Downton Abbey is one of them. Considering my weakness for historical dramas of any kind, Downton grabs me not just for its’ so interesting portrayal of history from different sides of life on a wealthy estate (the owners and the servants and the people that interact with them), but also for its gripping characters who have stories and back stories that make us more sympathetic to their plight, in particular to their changing love lives and quirky romances (or lack of romances for some of the characters).
Being a Love Coach, this look at how love took place (or was meant to take place), back at the turn of the previous century, is fascinating for me. I became gripped with the stories of some of the characters’ struggles between doing what they wanted to do and what was expected of them from the society that they inhabited.

The thing about Downton Abbey which I found most fascinating was its inclusion of all ages in the possibility to find love. In fact, that may be one of my favourite things about the series. We watch an elderly widow find love again with another widower, both probably in their late 50s or 60s. Currently, I have several clients in their 40s, 50s, and 60s who come to me complaining that they’re probably too old for love (and for big life changes). But Downton teaches us that it’s really never too late to find love (after all, that was more than 100 years ago and they managed it). Even the beautiful and elegant mother in Downton, for example, is likely herself in her 50s in the series where she is flattered and flirted with (very openly) with a wealthy art expert that comes to look at a painting in her home. This happens even though she is married! He doesn’t seem to mind her age any more than he takes issue with her marriage situation when he makes a very obvious pass at her.

Clearly, I’m not encouraging adultery. What I am supporting, however, is the fact that we can be, and are, beautiful at any age – and this is not something that we should forget or disregard. I myself often do all I can to run away from my years and to fight all of the signs of aging that will one day betray me. I am not saying that fighting aging is a bad thing necessarily. Personally, I believe that we should do what makes us feel best about ourselves. So if having more beautiful skin makes you feel good, by all means do what you can to have it (including looking after your skin on the outside but on the inside too with good nutrition). But, eventually, despite all of our best efforts, time will always win, and we must be able to look at ourselves and be satisfied with what we see at any point in our lives, and not only when we are young and youth is our prize. Both my mother and my grandmother are two examples I often site of women who I have seen have great beauty that shone from the inside out despite their years. My kids’ nanny and my former father in law’s girlfriend are always women that I site as examples of beauty and elegance that is with them even well past their 30s, and without investing in expensive or radical surgeries to ward off the process of aging. My nanny, for example, swears by treatments that she creates herself out of things that I can find in my refrigerator. These are women that I know personally and who I know also that men still find attractive.

Though, as women, we are sometimes shown by society that our age will work against us, when we pass a certain point, one of the things that touched me most about the Downton series is its’ demonstration of the fact that this doesn’t have to be the case. The majority of the strong characters in the end series, for instance, find themselves singles and over 30 contrasting what too many people still like to claim as a truth in these modern times. Some time ago a single male friend of mine in his 50’s alerted me to an article published in The Sunday Times insert about women over 40 not being able to find any men who have interest in them (even sexually).This was written from one female writer’s personal experience faced by her and her friends. Recently, there was another article about why older men prefer younger women in a different magazine which another of my successful and older male friends referred me to. Personally, I think we should stop brainwashing women with this idea that they lose their potential as a woman the minute they allow some fine lines or grey hair to show. I know enough successful, single older men who have learned from experience that they will only find their match in a woman who is also their match in age. Many have been there, done that and tried to find love in youth and beauty, but found it lacking. My ex-husband was with a woman 10 years my junior after we split. After seeing that she was clearly not his match, he found a woman who is elder than me and much more suitable. Unlike the younger woman, his current girlfriend has lived as he has and one of her many strengths is the fact that she is a wonderful mother, as well as a character that developed thanks to her age and her time in life. They have been together for several years now and I am always so happy to tell everyone of his wonderful match. It shows his quality as a person and as a man that he did not just become another statistic of the typical man looking for a much younger woman.

Even Downton Abbey has allowed the elder characters to find love despite the times, the society, and their age. So why can’t we allow ourselves the same right? Even the Dowager Countess, the eldest woman represented and in her 70s, is allowed love when an admirer from her past comes forward with interest in renewing their past love affair. You might say that this is a made for TV series and not real life. But I will counter with “and? Who cares?” If these characters are supposed to be a semi-accurate representation of the days at the turn of the previous century, and if in those days you were allowed love at any age, then why do we deny ourselves this right in these modern times? Certainly today we don’t need to hide the fact that we want to be physically intimate with someone who isn’t our husband, as some of the characters had to. We also don’t seem to worry about having children out of wedlock, as a character on the show did. So why do we worry that aging means that we can’t live the life that we want to have? These days our medical care, as well as modern technology and our access to information and alternative care, is so good that we can live decades longer than we did in those times. Plus, it is a well-known fact that women tend to outlive men, so there will be many more women living as widows and as divorcees well into their years. Are we then supposed to give up on all hopes of companionship or romance just because we are no longer considered young? I know that I don’t plan to. I won’t be giving up this battle ever. That’s why I choose to work primarily with women over 30, and I have no upper age limit to who I want to make a significant difference for.

The one thing I can say is that your time is now. There is not time like the present to start to find the love that you seek, or to improve on the love that you already have. If you’re not sure whether to act or to wait, just imagine how it would feel if you were in exactly the same place that you are now five years from now because you keep stalling. And if you’re still undecided about what to do, why not speak with me. Reply to this email for a free half hour consultation call or join one of my workshops listed below. Take advantage of my Valentine’s Day promotion that’s only good until Valentine’s Day to join one of my workshops for almost half off the price.

So this is it: the last days of the last month of this year (2015). As always, New Year’s is a time of celebrations, festivities, and the making of resolutions. After all, there is the potential of so many exciting things coming around the corner and in the New Year. But, for many, there is also something that the end of another year gone by that could feel somewhat ominous, especially if we’re not quite where we want to be for that year.

The problem with another year past and you feeling not at all closer to achieving your own love and life goals is that it has the potential of knocking you down and making you feel that achieving what you want is so far away that it almost feels impossible. The problem with that mindset is that we attract the reality that we imagine, even in our worst case scenarios, which often tend to emerge at this ominous time of years ending (yes even among the happy, celebrating faces). Another such pensive time, by the way, when thoughts of “what have I really accomplished with my life up to now?” crawling in as you get older, is the time of the birthday. For my kids, who are still little, both New Year’s and their birthday is an exciting, happy time of celebration that they highly look forward to, just as they look forward to being allowed to stay up past midnight on New Year’s Eve. For most of my coaching clients, at the beginning of their love journey, these two events bring more misery and dread than they do excitement. While my kids are counting down the days to their birthday parties and to Christmas and New Year’s Eve when they have either gifts to unwrap or a party to go to, my clients are trying to figure out how they can avoid the party and maybe sleep through the event altogether to pretend it never even happened.

Many of my clients are faced with families asking them, as they have for years, why they’re still single; or — even worse — not asking anymore as they’d given up years ago. Christmas and New Year’s is a time that can feel especially alone if you’re alone. I know as I remember a Christmas that I spent alone when I’d just finished with a relationship that wasn’t working. It can be a very lonely time for singles. The problem is that my clients (who often come to me around these momentous seasonal occasions) aren’t yet looking at the benefits of the timing itself.

The good thing about times of the year when singles feel more single is that it is actually not just an individual feeling. Everybody’s feeling the same. Other singles are feeling just as lonely and alone as you are. Hence it’s the ideal time for singles to mingle and to meet each other. Plus, Christmas and New Year’s bring with them ample opportunities for meeting others: whether for friendship or for love. This is the time of drunken Christmas parties where everybody is much more inclined to be merry and friendly. So, rather than trying to hide the seasonal time away, take any and every opportunity to be out and about where the other people are. Fight your inclination to say “no thank you” to an invitation to yet another Christmas or New Year’s party or your desire to celebrate on your own in the closed confines of your home, hiding with a box of tissues, a tub of ice cream, and a romantic film. Who will you meet there? The pizza delivery guy? Is that who you want to go out with?

Need help figuring out where to go and what to do? Let me be your guide. Email me to schedule your free half hour session to juliakellercoaching@gmail.com or sign up to my upcoming Irresistible Woman workshops (listed below). Or join me and over 20 other Love Coaches for the Irresistible Woman Summit organised by Nicole Moore to find out some of our free tips on How to be an Irresistible Woman by clicking HERE

This year is the first in so many ways.  It is the first year in which I truly feel that I am fulfilling my mission in life.  It is the first of so many important opportunities to fully have looked into myself and discovered who I really am and what I am meant to do in the bigger picture of life.  And it is, most importantly, the first time in a very long time that what I do as my job is what I have always wanted to do: to help women learn to feel good about themselves and to empower them to create the lives that they truly want to have, especially to create the love life that they ideally want. I have been doing this for years already, but now I am doing this for a living and able to focus on it entirely and completely – which means that I can do it better.

For the first time ever, I can spend as much time as I want really helping women to find that inner love and personal confidence in themselves and then to teach them how to go out there and take control of their lives to make their love life happen as they want it to, not waiting for someone else to do it for them.

Not too long ago I ended some very important relationships in my life because I did not feel that they were right for me long term.  Several years before that, I ended, with the paperwork to demonstrate its finality, my relationship with my husband (and the father of my children) of more than eight years.  I did not stop to worr

y at any point in any of these finalities of whether I would ever meet someone truly suited to me who I’d want to spend the rest of my life with. I just knew that I eventually would, if I wanted to. I never worried when leaving my husband – who was the main financial provider of our family – whether I would be able to survive without the ample financial means that marriage and life together with him provided. I just assumed that I would be fine. Now, many years after I took that brave move that set my life initially into darkness, I know that I will be much more than just fine. And I can honestly say that I have been more than fine after the end of each relationship that finished after that.

Not only that I was more than fine, but every ending brought about what was necessary for an even better beginning. Everything that didn’t work brought a further learning, both of myself, and of relationships in general. So that every time after the end of each relationship, I took the time to really meditate and consider my part in all that happened and what I learned from it, thereby further perfecting my knowledge and myself. Every new beginning to every new relationship created something that was better than what I had left behind.

This is not of course to say that we should always leave something in the hopes of finding something better. In fact, much of my coaching is done with women who are in relationships already and who I help to value what they have so that they can truly appreciate how lucky they are to have it and then to even improve on it to such a degree that the relationship that they help to create, with just the right amount of coaching to empower them to create it, is a relationship so vastly improved from what they had when they first came to see me. So no I am not a supporter of walking away always in search of the better thing around the corner. But I do advocate walking away from something that isn’t working if it really doesn’t feel like it ever will be that which you seek. This is courage in and of itself; and it is a courage that comes from valuing who you are and what you stand for, and from knowing that you are amazing enough to have many other, better options than being stuck in something that isn’t working. This is what I do in my practice: I empower women with this kind of self-belief so that they never feel stuck again.

Want to learn how to become that ideal woman who has the power to attract the right kind of man? Join me for one of my upcoming workshops or work with me One to One for an even deeper transformation.

It’s that time of year again… There are lights hanging around Oxford Street, one of the big shopping areas of London, and the tree is up in Rockefeller Center, as the ice skating rinks get full and that familiar, festive aroma of mulled wine, hot cider, and winter holiday cheer is in the air again. Are you in the Christmas spirit yet?

While for many Christmas is an exciting, beautiful time of love, family, gifts, and wonderful connections; for too many others it’s a time of too much stress, family they don’t want to be with, friends that seem to be having a better time than they are, and that feeling of loneliness due to the fact that they don’t have that someone special to share the holiday with.

How about you? What does Christmas feel like to you? Are you happy and celebrating with family and loved ones that bring a cheerful smile to your face and a feeling of happiness to your heart? Or do you feel lonely and alone with that gnawing sensation that it’s pretty much impossible to attract the kind of partner you really want AND to keep him long enough for the next Christmas to come?

Do you feel often that the truly good men are taken, OR that you’re a magnet for the wrong men? OR that even if you do find a man you like, it’s a struggle to get him to commit and stick around for the holidays, like Christmas, or your birthday, that you keep wishing you can spend that someone special with?

If this is how you’re feeling now, don’t despair…help is here and it’s my very special gift to you this Christmas: so that next Christmas, you’ll be one of those women who you envy with that special someone devoted to you and excited to spend this festive time of family and love with you. Does this sound unbelievable?

Some months ago, I was approached by a well-known Love Coach living in Los Angeles, California to participate in something ground-breaking that allowed me to begin to fulfil one of my many missions: to help women to become that elusive Highly Irresistible Woman that they all want to become but don’t know how. I’ve been working towards fulfilling this mission for some time, in fact, with a book on the subject in the works and my many online and in-person workshops about to be launched next year. So when Nicole Moore, of The Love Works Method, approached me to ask me to be one of her small, elite group of Love Coaches (mainly from the US) teaching women our techniques to become irresistible, I of course jumped at the chance! I’m thrilled to announce that I’m a featured guest expert on The Highly Irresistible Woman Series, a free virtual video series hosted by my colleague Nicole Moore.

In this series, you will learn how to be a Highly Irresistible Woman from many of the world’s experts on love, dating, and relationships. During this free virtual event, I’ll be sharing my top strategies to be a Magnet for High-Quality Men along with more than 30 of the World’s Leading Love Experts. You’ll discover how to be that Highly Irresistible Woman that men crave and want to commit to and learn how dating can stop being a struggle and start being really fun.

This is my free Christmas offer to you. If you want love, you don’t want to miss this event. Click here for your all access pass to The Highly Irresistible Woman Series. Click here to register and join in on the fun.

And then once you’ve gone through the series, I’m offering you one free hour-long session with me to be taken in January or February only, to make sense of all you’ve learned or to ask whatever pressing question you may have about love or a current relationship. Just email me to juliakellercoaching@gmail.com quoting “Free Christmas Offer”. And please do feel free to share this newsletter or the link above with anyone who you think can also benefit from this offer or from the Irresistible Woman Series. Our mission is to help every woman uncover her own person Irresistibility; so here’s to yours! 

Julia xx

Friday the 13th of November 2015 in Paris will now be a date that’s deeply etched into the memories of most of the Western world, especially of those of us in Europe. Just as September 11th, 2001 is still a date that most think about and shudder, the ruthless shootings of innocent people in Paris is another terrorist act that makes us question the anger in the world today. But these dates are in no way isolated incidences, nor, unfortunately, are terrorist acts something rare or novel. When I was thinking about writing this blog, I was really stuck on how to adequately phrase my reflections and my emotions about what happened in Paris just recently. Though terrorism is nothing new and terrorist acts of some kind date all the way back to the 1800s and before, terrorism has, frighteningly, become more prevalent and more violent in our modern times.

So what can we do? Is there any way to change the anger hidden that inevitably causes these crimes against innocent people? Though I wasn’t alive in the 1960’s, the song that came into my head immediately is the one that used one of my favourite words in the chorus: “What the world needs now is love, sweet love… It’s the only thing that we have too little of…” As a Love Coach, of course I will always revert to talking about the importance of love. It’s my job, after all. But, for me, it’s become much more than just a job; it’s become a calling. When I look at the world now, I see a much more dispersed and disillusioned world than ever. With each decade even, certain trends seem to worsen. The divorce rates go up; the marriage rates go down; more articles are written about how many people are single and lonely, but also more difficult to please; and more unhappiness and anger is seen throughout the world.

Something has to change. The growth of online dating, and dating apps, which should serve to help more people connect with other people, rather seems to lead to an increased disconnect, where the search for the superficial and the ease of always finding something better becomes that block that keeps people from attempting to go deeper into each other. A friend of mine who felt this disconnect deeply, even though he was dating many women at once, said to me: “The problem is that everything is about the next best thing. No one sticks it out anymore; no one tries to improve a relationship that’s broken. Why should we when there’s always something better around the corner?” Interestingly enough, after years of dating many women at once, he’s now back together with his ex-wife, with whom he says he always had “a very deep connection”.

I am not saying, of course, that we all should seek out that one partner with whom we ended it years ago and try and make a go of it again. Of course not! Usually things end for a reason. But perhaps maybe we should ease our trigger fingers from ending relationships too quickly too because of some small inadequacy or because we believe that something better might come along and not just with lovers and Partners, but also the relationships we have with family and friends. Perhaps we should make more of an attempt towards a deeper connection and a deeper understanding of people in our lives: be it lovers, friends, or even neighbours. Maybe we should take some time to step away from our computer screens and actually see and get to know the people who live beside us and are around us. Why not actually greet our neighbours and call those family members who we haven’t spoken to in a while?

Human relations are still about actual face to face contact, and that is not something that we should ever give up. People who feel touched and truly loved then do not have the compulsion to hurt others in such a violent and pointless way. Plus, let’s not forget about the idea of the “butterfly effect”. If we are compassionate and show love in one part of the world, that love will then echo throughout the rest of the world and maybe land where it’s most needed. If we all can open up our hearts and show compassion for others, perhaps the world would indeed be a better place.

Julia xx