Blog
Stress: Fear Of The Unknown
Last week I introduced the topic of stress, and defined it partially as us being out of flow with life. This includes the experience of frustration, when everything seems to be going against us. In one way, it feels more like the external world is out of flow with us… But in reality, it is us who are out of flow with life, not because it just so happens to be one of those days, but because, somewhere internally, our wants and needs are out of flow from our actual life situation. In reality, stress could be a useful bodily reaction that protects us, an instinct which is inprinted in us from millions of years ago when stress would be our response to a truly dangerous situation, such as seeing a tiger ready to pounce. Only now, our stress is caused not by the tiger, but by little things that do not threaten our life but only impact on a seemingly important moment of it. But our body reacts to it as though it is a life or death situation.
To understand more of what I mean, have a look at Part 2 of the Stress mini series. And if you need help conquering that stress, you can book a free 30 minute session with me here: https://WellnessSession.as.me/
Stress: why you have it & how to cope better
Feel as if you are relate to this and need some help to help you handle stress so that it does not handle you? Book a free 30 min session with me to discuss your options.
Why learning to connect with others is good for your health
We work very hard to be successful, to grow at a job, to find love even. There are books that teach us how to be confident, to be fearless, to seize the moment, to eat better, etc. While these are all of course very important for our personal development, what I find as a Mind-Body Wellness Specialist, to be far, far more important both to humanity and to our personal health is being able to truly connect with others.
Feeling lonely and alienated and divided from the world is the cause of many people’s true I’ll health issues. After all, it is widely known that disease can manifest or be cured in the mind. The feeling of having no one to reach out to, of being unable to connect makes us feel unhappy, unloved, uncared for and as if we having nothing to live for. Some of my clients manifested this by being overweight because of comfort eating, others struggled with long-term chronic issues because that was something tangible that brought them the comfort of at least medical professionals taking a momentary interest in them. You can be all alone and yet well connected with yourself and others, therefore not feeling lonely. The lack of connection is when you still feel somewhat lonely even amongst your friends, even with your partner or even when there should be no reason for this feeling; yet you feel it anyway.
Recently, I offered to watch a small dog for a friend of mine who went away. My kids have been asking me for a dog for a long time and I thought that watching him would be a great test to see if they could truly be responsible to take care of a pet. What I discovered, however, surprised even me. Not only were my kids exceptionally mature and great at caring for the dog, but even the little negatives of having to care for this pet didn’t detract from the amazing positives that came with having him. He was constantly full of love and excitement at seeing us every time we came home and he brought us even closer together as we bonded over walking him and had to find fun and active days out that he too would enjoy. Plus, the best part was how easily he made it for us to meet strangers everywhere we went. As an adorable dog that strangers everywhere seemed to want to befriend, we finally met our new neighbours and the other people around us who too have dogs. Plus we befriended people in cafes, on the tube, just walking down a toad, etc.
My point here is that if you are lonely, whether because you’re actually alone or in a relationship where you find yourself unable to connect, it may just take a simple twist in your usual pattern that makes a difference and changes everything. Whether it’s getting a dog (there are loads of rescue dogs that need homes by the way, or you can foster one temporarily and all dog food and care is paid for) or starting a new mediation class or just joining any kind of club or even taking a language or dance class: there are so many ways to change your usual pattern in life and to get yourself unstuck.
If you want help or some ideas, you can book a free call with me here .
Back to certainty !
Are you compromising too much?
I would like to kick off my new Wellness Series not so far from the topics I have been mostly known for: love and relationships. When I speak of being a Wellness Specialist, many assume that I focus on tackling issues such as insomnia, stress, and weight loss. While those are core issues that I help people with — along with helping them towards that feel-good vitality that has alluded them for a while, a core part of my work is very much centered around the core work I was doing when I was calling myself a Love Coach: helping them to achieve the loving relationships they crave.
Our private lives are, after all, the driving forces of quality in our life. There has been sufficient research to showcase how the lack of relationships (ie: loneliness) can be incredibly detrimental to health. But what about the feeling of losing yourself to your partner? We all know that when we are in love, and receive love back, the world is indeed a better place. We feel more energized and bloom in all aspects of our lives. Equal in power, however, is the feeling of being in a toxic relationship: something I have seen over and over again from my clients. As exciting as a relationship that feels full of balance and growth can feel; so equally devastating (albeit eating away at us slowly) can a relationship where we lose ourselves and what we desire feel. Therefore I would like to offer you a quick video on one of the most toxic aspects of a relationship: too much compromise. If you feel any of the scenarios described resonate with you, it may be time to change few things…
You can find more on this topic in my book: “Attract Authentic Love”, which you can purchase on Amazon: https://amzn.to/2HsrqvQ.
If you feel that you would like want a lengthier discussion one on one, and are not sure if your relationship is doomed and you are ready to make radical changes, you can schedule a one hour skype session with me to discuss specific issues or book a free 30 minute discovery call here: https://WellnessSession.as.me/.
Wellness Series
Get ready for wellness!
For those of you who have been keeping up with my newsletters, you probably have noticed the move towards a focus on Wellness. Our 10 minutes Facebook live series is now called “10 Minutes to Wellness (find ithere) and we are currently launching a Wellness series of newsletters geared towards helping you and your loved ones to live healthier in the three key areas. These areas are Physical (feeling good in your body which should feel good and keep you healthy); Mental (ie: good mental health, managing stress, sleeping well, etc); and Emotional (feeling satisfied in your life and where you’re heading & having a good support network of friends, loved ones, community and even that someone special).
In the upcoming newsletters, I’ll be sharing with you what you need to stay “well” in life for longer life. This means what you need to look and feel great no matter what your age. I think in modern day living we surrender to the idea that getting older means allowing our bodies to crumble and to abandon us, our memories and minds to deteriorate and our chances for happy relationships to dwindle. Well in the course of my work, I’ve met so many people who proved this wrong that I know it isn’t true. I’ve met women and men who live healthy and medicine free well into their 80s, 90s and even beyond. My own great grandmother in fact lived almost until 102 and she wasn’t on any medication before she passed away just weeks before her birthday. My father, who’s over 60 is healthy, happy and works and lives as fully as a 30 year old. He and my mother have a happy successful marriage and a great network of family and friends. My father also is pursuing his life work which he loves and is passionate about and still studies and learns new techniques for his practice regularly. I recently met a woman who basically partied away her twenties, thirties and forties. It was only in her late fifties that she realized that she actually wanted to settle down and get married. Guess what, she married for the first time ever on her 65th birthday!
I constantly meet people who are healthy and look great well into their older years. Unfortunately, I also meet the opposite: people who are unhealthy even in their teens, twenties, thirties and forties. Cancer, heart disease, diabetes and obesity are claiming not just the elderly anymore. People are dying younger and feeling ill younger. Those in their teens are feeling already the effects of stress and not knowing how to manage it, as well as depression, anxiety and even insomnia. Therese aren’t just ailments of adults even anymore! So how do we manage life better and help our children to do so? Well with my current studies in Nutrition and Naturopathy, this has become my interest and my obsession. I will attempt, through my own learning, to reveal what I learn to you here. Stay tuned.
Its Time To Talk To Strangers
To Start with we are all strangers!
Do you remember once upon a time when your mother was there to look after you and keep you safe? Do you remember when she taught you some important advice that was meant to protect you? Well, as a mother myself, I know that she meant well, but perhaps it isn’t doing you any favors in your social life. So perhaps it’s time to let that advice go and do something different. Have a watch at what I mean here.
If you feel uneasy about talking to strangers you can book a free discovery call
“Nothing is stranger or more ticklish than a relationship between people who know each other only by sight, who meet and observe each other daily – no hourly – and are nevertheless compelled to keep up the pose of an indifferent stranger, neither greeting nor addressing each other, whether out of etiquette or their own whim.” – Thomas Mann
Why is Valentine’s Day So Important?
As a former Love Coach, and even now as a Mind-Body Wellness Specialist, when I start talking about Valentine’s Day, I have many people balking about it and complaining about a forced day to celebrate couples. Some even go as far as calling it “cheesy” or “a waste of time”. While I respectfully disagree of course, I do understand how some can judge the day so harshly, particularly if they are feeling lack in that area, either because they are alone or are unhappy in the relationship they’re in.
The thing about Valentine’s Day that makes it important, however, isn’t that it is a day just to celebrate couples. The day, in fact, is to celebrate Love overall, whether romantic or not. Whether we like it or not, having some form of Love in our lives is actually necessary for good health. There are constant articles and research coming out telling us that loneliness is detrimental for health. In fact, you can find quite a few such articles and videos on both my website and my YouTube channel. In Naturopathy, we learn that full healthy balance relies on health in three main areas: our mind, our heart and our gut. So full health can only exist if all three are looked after (I would add with exercise and looking after our bodies as well).
So having a day to celebrate Love and to remind us about the importance of having some kind of Love in our lives seems pretty key. But celebrating Love isn’t just for couples. We should celebrate the Love we feel for our friends, our family, our community and even a higher power. Why not use Valentine’s Day to reconnect with people we haven’t spoken to in a while and to celebrate our feelings of happiness for knowing them. When I was in high school many years back, before my close friends and I started dating, we would send Valentine’s Day chocolates and cards to each other on Valentine’s Day and write each other lovely cards to remind each other how much our friendship meant. When you’re a teenager and going through that time of feeling misunderstood and unloved as hormones are rampant, sometimes such a card from a close friend is enough to change the entire outlook of your day into a happy one.
So this Valentine’s Day, instead of hiding or rolling your eyes at the fact that you have to get through an entire day of smoochy couples and people asking you if you are doing something tonight, why not instead celebrate the fact that Love exists and that it is still our greatest weapon against hate and crimes of hate as well as against loneliness. And meanwhile, if you are one part of a couple, why not celebrate that as well and the fact that you’re still together against all odds, and remember what it was that brought you two together in the first place. Remember how beautiful your love once was and it can be again. Happy Valentine’s Day!
And if you’re on your own and would like to meet someone but don’t know how, why not invest a bit in either my book (https://amzn.to/2DqAE8d) or my online product (http://juliakeller.co.uk/ attract-authentic-love) (or both) and let me help you towards Love.
Want to be fit but hate the gym, watch this video!
Milk: is it really good or bad for you?
Hey there!
As someone who’s become so interested in Nutrition that I decided to study the subject (and am in my second of three years at the moment), I’ve certainly been on the receiving end of many opinions and questions concerning the debate on milk and whether we should or shouldn’t be drinking it. To be fair, the milk debate is not new. You’ve probably noticed the proliferation of “milk alternatives” such as soya, coconut and almond milk both in your local supermarket and also in your local Starbucks and other chain coffee shop.
But despite the many not so great findings about milk that are being released year on year since the milk debate first began, the die-hard milk lovers will still point to milk-drinking benefits, such as calcium and milk’s help in bone development. So how do they answer some of the not so favorable milk research that actually states that milk may actually be a causal factor towards Osteoperosis (the disease where your bone density goes down common among post-menopausal women) rather than helpful in preventing it and some very sketchy data coming out of late stating that milk companies may have known about some pretty scary milk issues for years that they kept well-hidden? So is milk then good or bad for you and for bone growth and sustainability? Perhaps the only thing we know for sure is that cow milk is definitely good for the growth of baby cows; we, however, are notbaby cows! So before you order that latte, take some time to read the article below.
If you’re struggling with Insomnia, here are some tips to get to sleep naturally
Listen to “The Naked Short Club”
How to tackle insomnia naturally:
1. Check your daily caffeine intake.
2. Calm your mind for bedtime.
3. Keep to a working bedtime routine.
Schedule a free Call with Me Here
Want to be fit but hate the gym? Watch this video.
As someone who’s three main areas of focus working with clients are Wellness, Confidence & Connection, you can bet that I have quite a lot to say about getting healthy and fit. In fact, the other day, I was at a bar and met some random people who asked me about what I do. When I told them, they very excitedly (and mistakenly) asked about how they too can get more healthy. Well, as I’m studying Nutrition these days and pretty obsessed with being fit, it may not have been the best timing to ask me such a question, as I definitely have quite a lot to say on the topic.
But the reason I’m writing this is to address one of the questions that one of these people asked me: “I want to be fit, but I really hate going to the gym. How do I do what’s good for my body while also not having to do what I hate?” Well, if you’re reading this right now, firstly let me apologize for all of the extra information about what you shouldn’t be eating and doing (smoking, partying too hard every night, eating food that’s highly processed and full of sugar, drinking coke) that you had to sit through that evening. To make up for it, here’s part of the answer to your question about how you can get more fit without having to hit the gym. (You’re welcome!) ;->
How much fruit and vegetables should you actually eat for health? Find out here!
https://www.nhs.uk/news/food-
https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/
Sometimes all it takes is 2 hours with an objective expert
Learn how to love yourself and first and find love through this 6 module, online program
If you’re feeling lonely, you’re not alone
Hey you,
The Guardian recently published an article under a great title, which you can see below. I’m glad to see that the narrative of loneliness is changing in our country. As someone who myself has experienced loneliness, and who has clients who come to see me because of it, I know how life and health deterring that sensation could be. Sometimes, when it’s really bad and you feel really alone, the sensation could be keeping you stuck and almost unable to do anything productive because of its’ weight on you. Ironically, what would heal your loneliness may be the last thing that you’d want to do at that moment: that of getting out there and going somewhere where you can meet people and change the course of that loneliness for good.
I was so surprised to read in the article that the word “loneliness” is a relatively recent addition to the English language. It seems to echo my personal belief that the changing aspects of society, which in so many ways are wonderful, they are also what makes loneliness so prevalent today (and much more so than a century ago for instance). Unfortunately, the growth of technology and our incredibly wonderful independence has led to an increase of loneliness. The fact that so many live longer lives too has meant a growth of loneliness in the elderly. Much of society these days has lost the value of keeping elderly with the family and caring for them until their last days, so we find that our chances of being lonely go up as we age.
No matter what your age, however, there are several things you can do to tackle loneliness. Here are a few ideas.
First of all, tackling loneliness requires proactively seeking the company of others. Loneliness can become a vicious circle whereby you don’t have significant others in your life so you feel lonely. That makes you feel bad and makes you want to hide yourself away and maybe fill your emptiness with escapism, such as TV or books or video games or even just sitting there doing nothing just feeling bad about your fate of being alone. You feel bad hence you avoid the company of others, but this then makes you feel more lonely and thereby worse. You feel that you are stuck in a vicious circle that you find it nearly impossible to get out of. Hence my first advice is to realize that getting out of loneliness will take some work (sometimes it may feel like a lot of work) and it will require you to leave what’s comfortable (staying hidden) behind and force yourself to do things and go to places where you can meet people.
Secondly, remember that you are not the only one feeling lonely and feeling stuck. When you start to put yourself out there, it will initially challenge you in every way. You may come to events and workshops that interest you but where everyone else may seem to know each other already and you will initially feel even worse for being there. Initially. The trick is to get past that initial reaction of wanting to run out of there and to have a look around and find who else seems to be feeling as awkward and misplaced as you (I promise there are always others). This is your best chance to make an ally (and possibly a new best friend or significant someone). You know how paralyzing that feeling of loneliness could be so you also know that this person who is feeling just like you is probably struggling to make a move to meet someone as much as you are. Take the initiative and just say “hello” (I teach one off workshops on how to do this). Trust me, you’ll be happy you did. And if their reaction isn’t as friendly and warm as you would have wanted, take it as good practice and look for someone else to speak with, maybe even a group that is looking rather uncomfortable or in need of someone new. Be interested in others and be warm and open and you will eventually find yourself surrounded by people who want to get to know you.
And thirdly, you should realize that you can ask for help to deal with loneliness. The feeling can reach serious existential questions and might cause emotional outbursts which are not yours, but your body’s way of saying ‘hey wake up, and do something in order to make your temple feel better, cleaner and more light’. If you feel you cannot manage your loneliness and nothing really elevates your mood, seek out some help. Try to be open to whoever you speak with and really listen and act on any advice offered. I would say that a majority of my clients these days come to work with me because that feeling of loneliness has grown too much to cope on their own. Being able to be genuinely honest with me and having me help them see that there is a way out just with a bit of action and changes in their life immediately releases that tension and helps them feel better and breathe more easily. It’s no surprise that my most popular talks these days are the ones I do about loneliness.To schedule a free 30 minute call with me about how you too can deal with loneliness, click here.
What do Brexit, budgeting and a “Stressed Out” hotline for Bankers have in common?
How to combat loneliness through interaction
Hey you,
Do you find yourself feeling lonely, whether because you’re on your own or in a relationship that leaves you feeling just as alone as if you were on your own.
Loneliness is a feeling that unfortunately does not necessarily mean singleness… One might be in a relationship but still feel lonely. In my line of work, I meet many people lost in a state of loneliness. In fact, loneliness is such an issue these days that a Minister for Loneliness was appointed some time back to deal with the Loneliness Epidemic. Loneliness kills more people than any other disease and is considered a real threat to healthy living. A talk I did on How to Conquer Loneliness was the most attended of any I’d done since beginning to help people to find and keep love.
Here is a video I did some time ago on the topic of loneliness.
My theory about loneliness is that because loneliness does not directly stem from lack of people surrounding you (although sometimes that is the sole issue), it is a fault in one’s interaction with oneself and the world, with oneself the people one has around them, as well as one’s interaction with oneself.
Loneliness can express itself as a feeling of being misunderstood, of having a hard time finding like minded friends, of a feeling of being dismissed or unimportant in the lives of others, of not having anyone to turn to with issues, etc. The issue is that the way you look at the world, that’s how the world looks back at you. So if you feel that no one out there could understand you, that’s what you’re likely to come across. Hence changing your outlook could in the end completely change your reality. Being friends with someone does not only mean being friendly; it means making an effort to express your own feelings because you care enough to share with them and listening to the feelings they share in return.
Watch my video here, get a few practical tips on how to combat loneliness, and if you have any questions schedule a call at the link below.
A Different Kind Of New Year
A different kind of New Year
For those of us in studies currently, or with school-aged kids, September often feels much more like a true New Year than January. After all, September is when the school year begins for most and that new school year pretty much always signifies a new kind of beginning in a level up from the level before and often with the necessity of making new friends and reigniting with those friends from before.
This is a different kind of New Year from the one we traditionally celebrate every year, but it is no less important. This New Year is less about a massive celebration and more about putting things in order. That feeling might be created because we reach the end of summer, thus feeling refreshed and relaxed, or maybe because the return to school after a summer holiday normally comes with both excitement and anxiety (as I remember myself and see constantly from my kids). Going back through history, geographically and anthropologically, it is also an important time for a new cycle in agronomy. In September all major harvests are finishing and a new kind of work is beginning: the important work of preparing for the following year’s harvest.
Interestingly enough the Jewish holiday of Rosh Hashana also comes at around this time of new beginnings and fresh starts. This holiday, along with Yom Kippur, is the most significant holiday for the Jewish community. While it signifies new year, this is in a very different light than the commercial New Year we celebrate at the end of December. Rosh Hashanah is all about new beginnings and new chances, but above all changing the fate for the coming year yourself through your deeds, your penance for previous actions and thoughts and your asking for forgiveness. The belief behind the Jewish New Year (Rosh Hashanah) is highly embedded in the human practices and humans are highly inter-connected with the cycle of nature. Therefore, for the modern man, celebrating Rosh Hashanah does not necessary have to be a Jewish celebration, but only a away to stay tuned to world’s energy and interact with that energy.
It’s no surprise then that spiritual organisations, like the Kabbalah Centre, have as many non-Jews as Jews desiring to harness this spiritual energy for their betterment in the year to come. In fact the Kabbalah Centre can boast well-known members such as Madonna, Guy Ritchie, Ariana Grande and Marla Maples: all wanting to plug into the spiritual energy of the possibility for a the better year to come.
I have always been fascinated by the world of religions and how they adapt to modern times. What I find especially modern about this ancient ritual is the aspect of taking fate into your own hands. A main part of Rosh Hashanah, which just finished this year, is related to affecting your next years fate by prayer, being thoughtful, mindful and above all asking for forgiveness and realising that you need forgiveness.
With my clients I have found that many complexes we face, as significant hurdles in reaching the future we actually want, come from the inability to forgive ourselves or others. Forgiveness however is such a key act to moving on that it cannot be understated. To forgive yourself and others you need to acknowledge the actions that need to be forgiven and you need to let them go. Imagine the work that comes with really being able to “let go” of something that has plagued us for years perhaps, sometimes even decades. Now imagine truly and completely letting go of this something so much so that you can really move past it. How much lighter do you feel now? For some people, the past that they cannot move beyond keeps them stuck and unable to reach the future that they truly desire. But it is only through this act of forgiveness and letting go that we can truly move beyond and reach the life that we dream of.
Through forgiveness and letting go, you demonstrate that you are not just a reactionary being, but a proactive human who can decide and be held accountable to this decision. Taking that responsibility upon yourself relieves the strain of conflict you may have had with other people, because if you can forgive yourself, you see others in that same vulnerable human light, enabling you to forgive them and love them at the same time for who they are.
Do you need help forgiving yourself or someone else? Book a free 30 minute Discovery Session with Julia on this link.
Are you with someone just because you feel lonely ?
According to some philosophers and psychologists, human life is often lived dictated by fears. One of the most fundamental fears (other than death) is loneliness. I definitely fall into the category of those who believe that happiness in life is found through our relationships with others. This relationship, however, is not just between you and a partner. A relationship exists on all levels of the universe: including friendship, family, community and even spirituality. Therefore, while I believe that Love is absolutely crucial for happiness, I am ready to argue that many relationships are formed not because of love, but because of fear of loneliness.
While that might be fine initially, what happens when the relationship is really not the fit you sought and that dreaded loneliness never really subsided but just becomes a different kind of loneliness: one where you feel stuck in a relationship that leaves you empty?
Below I’m sharing a video with you where I bring cases where my clients suffered from relationships.
It takes courage to admit that we fear loneliness, but the ones who do admit, end up rewarded by the best of relationships… It’s like the Tao old saying that goes something along these lines: If you are chasing the butterfly, it will always run away from you. As long you stop and hold your hand still, it might land on your hand gracefully…